After three rounds of injects and no BFP, I'm throwing in the towel....for now. I am taking the next two years off from even thinking about baby making to focus solely on me. I need to lose a lot of weight. My health is getting worse..swollen feet, high blood pressure, bad back, bad knee...my body is telling me no more fat! And I have to stop and listen to it for once.
I went to my regular doc on Thursday and had the most embarrassing thing happened to me. The nurse went to weigh me and well...the scale did not go high enough. I was mortified. I feel defeated. I swore I had my weight under control and if i ever wanted to I could lose the weight, but why lose it now b/c if I get pregnant I would put it back on...was my mentality. No more.
She has mentioned weight loss surgery to me more than once, but I am so afraid of dieing on the table. I am so afraid of being that 1 in 2000. But after crying and crying and crying about it, I made a plan. I am going to buy a treadmill, hopefully in the next two weeks. I am going to cut out the 4 worse foods in my life....RICE, BREAD, SUGAR, and PASTA. At least completely in the beginning to help get ride of the cravings and then introduce only whole grains afterward. I am going to try as hard to lose weight as I did to have a baby and if in 6 months I haven't had any progress or enough progress by my standards, then I am going to pursue the surgery.
I am giving myself until my 35th birthday....April 18 2013. I don't want to be a stick, but I want to be able to move, something I've never really done since I have been heavy since I started grade school. 100-150lbs is what I am shooting for. Almost 30 years of bad habits need to change over night, because tomorrow is when I start my mini goal of one week no R B S or P.
I am hoping at the end of all this I not only have a better me, but I have a baby to.
Wish me luck y'all...cuz Imma need all I can get. <3
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
CD 5
Well, the last cycle was a bust. My E2 is going wonky and every one panics, but my follie size doesn't coincide w/ it all....I did I=O but I had all the signs...and I keep kicking myself b/c I opted out of an IUI.
The u/s tech said I had a few left over, but the doc wants to go ahead anyway. He was going to do a straight inject cycle but i told im i only have enough for 6 days so then he said ok clomid and follistim i said well i thought we would do just clomid since i am averaging 8 days of follistim and only have 6...he said 200mg of clomid (before it was 250) and he would get me more meds ....I go back on thursday after taking the clomid. I figured if I am gonna get more free meds I am not going to fit the fact I just wanted clomid this month.
The u/s tech said I had a few left over, but the doc wants to go ahead anyway. He was going to do a straight inject cycle but i told im i only have enough for 6 days so then he said ok clomid and follistim i said well i thought we would do just clomid since i am averaging 8 days of follistim and only have 6...he said 200mg of clomid (before it was 250) and he would get me more meds ....I go back on thursday after taking the clomid. I figured if I am gonna get more free meds I am not going to fit the fact I just wanted clomid this month.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Update for JenH and others not on FB
I took a break from the last loss. I wanted to start back up in September is, but my body had other plans. I spotted for almost a month and when I finally made an appt and went in AF showed the day before. I figured we would get started but the doc wanted me to have a 'real' cycle first.
I'll post what I wrote in my discussion board so I don't miss anything b/c I would type those up right after my appts.
Wrote 11/25/10
Went to RE on Monday (CD4), he put me on 250mg of clomid days 4-8 and 150iu Follistim days 9-10 and back in Monday for u/s....
12/2
Nothing new to report....they couldn't really see my right side, but the left has 2 @ around 9mm, so keep on 150ui and go back monday. ( can't find this post, but they called me after the blood work and told me to come back in 2 days instead)
12/4
hello...just got my hcg shot iui tomorrow its weird bc they had trouble seeing on the u/s but e2 is up n lh is 34 so im surging...ohh n wooo i had ewcm a rarity for me
12/10
Went for my booster shot. Well it turns out my ovaries just felt like not cooperating when it mattered...no problem finding them today. I o'd from 4 on one side and 2 from the other (that I could see her actually measure). Timing is on my side b/c i was supposed to see the Dino doc today and my lovely doc just came in between IVFers, asked me if I had a lot of follies and grabbed my folder, made a face and said no booster, too many follies, so he Rx'd me crinone (finally) for 8 days.
12/17
12dpiui = BFN ...I really wasn't feeling it this month and only tested b/c i had to get a scan of my leg done.
12/19
AF
12/21
well.......i have cysts left over....he said we can check them next week or in two weeks i opted for two weeks so i can get drunk off my butt for NYE....this is the first time i ever had cysts left over....he said bc i dont cycle on my own if things look well in two weeks i can start then. And the best part...i am actually ok with everything
1/3/11
Went for follow up....no more left overs from last month....starting 250 clomid today then shots start on saturday and i go back on Monday.....get this...my BETA from CD 3 was 5.42....i didn't have the heart to ask if it was a chemical or possible left over from the HCG shot which I doubt..... (I started 250mg clomid again for 5 days and then 150 follistim )
1/10
I don't understand why this doc always wants to see me after just two days of injects....but of course there was nothing going on.....just little ones starting to develop ...which is ahead of last time...b/c i had nothing at all after 2 days. stayin'g on 150 and going back on thursday.
1/13
I had 12 and 13 on the right side....3 more days of shots....
1/16
I am so tired of my wacky body. So I went in on Thursday and they said come back Sunday. I had a 12 and 13 on the right. Friday morning, I had EWCM. Last night at 3AM my TMI nips were tingly and I just knew I was in the process of O'ing. I figured, I'd go in today and they would tell me I am ready to pop and tell me to take my HCG tonight. Nope, instead this tech (after doing trans vag and abdominal u/s) says I have 13/14 and something else. My nurse said there's three and I asked her how could the numbers be so low if they were 12/13 3 days ago....she said different techs different measurements. Doc said 2 more nights of follistim and then come back on Tuesday w/ my HCG. On the way to get the HCG I talked it over w/ DH and we decided no IUI b/c 1. our copays went up in the new year and 2. we just shelled out a butt load of cash on Friday to fix the car. We had success in June w/o the IUI so what the hay. So I waited to see if the doc would call me, b/c I just wasn't buying that my follies barely grew b/c my nips are tingly. And at 4pm he finally calls. E2 is 1816, P4 3.5 (so it's starting to rise) and HCG tonight at 8pm DTD next three days. I freaking knew it man. I just feel like I need to be monitored daily once afollie sprouts b/c I like go haywire or something. What also convinced me that I was ready is the last two cycles w/ follistim I need 8 days of shots and yesterday was the 8th day. Sad part, I only have about 6 days worth left. Oh and the doc said the follies were probably in the process of collapsing. So, wish me luck guys!!! lol
And that's where I am right now....eek!!! :)
I'll post what I wrote in my discussion board so I don't miss anything b/c I would type those up right after my appts.
Wrote 11/25/10
Went to RE on Monday (CD4), he put me on 250mg of clomid days 4-8 and 150iu Follistim days 9-10 and back in Monday for u/s....
12/2
Nothing new to report....they couldn't really see my right side, but the left has 2 @ around 9mm, so keep on 150ui and go back monday. ( can't find this post, but they called me after the blood work and told me to come back in 2 days instead)
12/4
hello...just got my hcg shot iui tomorrow its weird bc they had trouble seeing on the u/s but e2 is up n lh is 34 so im surging...ohh n wooo i had ewcm a rarity for me
12/10
Went for my booster shot. Well it turns out my ovaries just felt like not cooperating when it mattered...no problem finding them today. I o'd from 4 on one side and 2 from the other (that I could see her actually measure). Timing is on my side b/c i was supposed to see the Dino doc today and my lovely doc just came in between IVFers, asked me if I had a lot of follies and grabbed my folder, made a face and said no booster, too many follies, so he Rx'd me crinone (finally) for 8 days.
12/17
12dpiui = BFN ...I really wasn't feeling it this month and only tested b/c i had to get a scan of my leg done.
12/19
AF
12/21
well.......i have cysts left over....he said we can check them next week or in two weeks i opted for two weeks so i can get drunk off my butt for NYE....this is the first time i ever had cysts left over....he said bc i dont cycle on my own if things look well in two weeks i can start then. And the best part...i am actually ok with everything
1/3/11
Went for follow up....no more left overs from last month....starting 250 clomid today then shots start on saturday and i go back on Monday.....get this...my BETA from CD 3 was 5.42....i didn't have the heart to ask if it was a chemical or possible left over from the HCG shot which I doubt..... (I started 250mg clomid again for 5 days and then 150 follistim )
1/10
I don't understand why this doc always wants to see me after just two days of injects....but of course there was nothing going on.....just little ones starting to develop ...which is ahead of last time...b/c i had nothing at all after 2 days. stayin'g on 150 and going back on thursday.
1/13
I had 12 and 13 on the right side....3 more days of shots....
1/16
I am so tired of my wacky body. So I went in on Thursday and they said come back Sunday. I had a 12 and 13 on the right. Friday morning, I had EWCM. Last night at 3AM my TMI nips were tingly and I just knew I was in the process of O'ing. I figured, I'd go in today and they would tell me I am ready to pop and tell me to take my HCG tonight. Nope, instead this tech (after doing trans vag and abdominal u/s) says I have 13/14 and something else. My nurse said there's three and I asked her how could the numbers be so low if they were 12/13 3 days ago....she said different techs different measurements. Doc said 2 more nights of follistim and then come back on Tuesday w/ my HCG. On the way to get the HCG I talked it over w/ DH and we decided no IUI b/c 1. our copays went up in the new year and 2. we just shelled out a butt load of cash on Friday to fix the car. We had success in June w/o the IUI so what the hay. So I waited to see if the doc would call me, b/c I just wasn't buying that my follies barely grew b/c my nips are tingly. And at 4pm he finally calls. E2 is 1816, P4 3.5 (so it's starting to rise) and HCG tonight at 8pm DTD next three days. I freaking knew it man. I just feel like I need to be monitored daily once afollie sprouts b/c I like go haywire or something. What also convinced me that I was ready is the last two cycles w/ follistim I need 8 days of shots and yesterday was the 8th day. Sad part, I only have about 6 days worth left. Oh and the doc said the follies were probably in the process of collapsing. So, wish me luck guys!!! lol
And that's where I am right now....eek!!! :)
Friday, January 14, 2011
Death to bloggie
It's been a while as it always turns out to be whenever I have a loss and go on a break. We started back up and this is my second cycle. I don't visit the blogosphere as I once did. I am a complete and total FACE.BOOK addict!
You can friend me, I keep all my TTC buds in the same list so when I have an update the entire world doesn't see.
http://www.facebook.com/cocolina
Send me a message and let me know who you are.
Baby dust and Sticky sprinkles to all.
You can friend me, I keep all my TTC buds in the same list so when I have an update the entire world doesn't see.
http://www.facebook.com/cocolina
Send me a message and let me know who you are.
Baby dust and Sticky sprinkles to all.
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