Thursday, May 28, 2009


Baby is still there. The tech says the growth from last week to this week is adequate. It's exactly what they were looking for …6mm growth and he's appr 8mm. It took her a while to find the heart flicker, I guess between my fluffiness and the position the baby is in. She was still not able to get the BPM due to this. She did say that she was looking for the rhythm and it looks right…it's not starting and stopping, it’s a constant flicker. I am down about the 12 day difference. As the baby is measuring about 6w4/5d giving me an EDD of 1/17/10, which based on my IUI it should be 1/5/10. Also, my Betas are still wacky. At 6w6d it was 4097 and at 7w3d it was 5602. Betas are still rising. Also my P4 has gone down but he is not concerned with that…which is probably why my boobs don't hurt as much. Overall, the RE was happy w/ the progress and I seem to be the only one freaking out about the 12 days behind.

8w2d heart flicker

The arrow is pointing to where we seen the heart flicker again.

*****updated to add beta was 6462 up from 5602 six days ago*****

Friday, May 22, 2009


How cruel a body I have. To make me think I would have a baby, then take it away from me, only to give it back to me.

This is what we saw on Monday....not much different from last week....


I lay in the stirups today, and for the first time i have enough courage to look at the screen, DH stayed sitting b/c I had already told him it was over until the tech said otherwise. Here's what we gots today....


It's not going to be a blighted ovum as I thought. There is 2.5mm emby in there w/ a heart flicker. The tech said he was too small to measure the BPM. I am now in u/s limbo....I go back on Thursday.

Fucking Hope, that Bitch...she snuck back in through the back door. I thought I had buried her ass!!!!

I know the odds are against me and slim, but baby bean please pull through this for mommie and papi!!!

PS...does anyone know how I can fix the u/s pics so that the whole thing will show ....i don't like the cut off!!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


I called for yesterday's BETA...4097. Not at all where it should be...should have been way past 10,000 even if the doubling happened every 3 days. I've already prepared myself for bad news on Friday. I called the gonal-f people and have an application on it's way for a free month of meds (let me know if you want the info) for when this is all over and done with. I try so much to be happy for the other ladies in my EDD thread, but w/ each great u/s news or each twins announcement I get more depressed, more woe is me, I feel more like a failure.

3 m/c in 12 mos WTF!!!!

What am I going to do today? I am going to go home, have me a smoke and get it on with my husband while eating an uncooked ham and cheese sandwich w/ sushi on the side. Oh don't forget the rum and coke followed by an espresso to wash it all down. B/c when I try to do all the good things, shit don't work out. So maybe if i do the opposite of what I am told to do, maybe, I'll end up with a baby.

Enough of my pity party. You should know the drill...if you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I am wallowing in self pity.

Monday, May 18, 2009


No emby so no heartbeat. Still looks like it did last Wednesday. It's over, I can feel it. I have to go back on Friday to see if anything has changed. I am not being negative...I am being realistic. I am NOT going to get my hopes up.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I jinxed myself. I just got back from the RE. You know the appointment that I was supposed to have TOMORROW!! Well my Aries impatient self decided I was going NOW. I had a dream that I was bleeding. I was so afraid to go to the bathroom this morning, but when i finally did....all clear..PHEW!!! I get to work and go to the bathroom....blood! WTF! Just when I thought I could breath just a lil. Only there when I wiped...not bright red, but not pink either. Was a lot at first, but dwindled down before I left work. Yea I called DH he said call RE and after I stopped crying I was able to give the receptionist my name and they told me to come right away.

When we first got there Nurse L comes out and says "I go to Italy and you get pregnant and it's in the right place" . I go to the back, get my blood taken, and then sit in the waiting room w/ DH. Mind you I am embarrassed b/c he did not have time to go home and change so he had dirty greasy mechanic clothes on!!! So the RE sees us in the waiting room, now this is the same guy that I hated b/c of the D&C ordeal, but redeemed himself when he let DH shoot his swimmers during our last two IUIs. He back steps and says to me and I quote "Now don't you go f*cking up this pregnancy! If you do, me and DH are going to take turns beating you up" We got a kick out of that, kinda helped ease the we were not oftended lol. So Nurse M sees me and says "what the hell last time you left w/ good news, well you'll be alright after the u/s" Yea, I was the only one not optimistic! I was the only one that just knew it was over. When I used the bathroom in the office the blood was now brownish and barely there. So in the u/s room, I couldn't look, I just looked at Dh and he looked a the screen. Then his face changed and he said there it is. Bx3 aka B-cubed is still where he's supposed to be. And he grew. RE is happy w/ the u/s. He refuses to call me w/ the BETAs, maybe that's for the best. No sex, no exercise, no heavy lifting, no vacuuming, not on bed rest, but on 'take it easy' mode. I am still scared. And there is still some brown when I wipe.

Here's BBB, and there is a yolk sac!!! Oh which now means my chances of m/c have went from 15% to 12%. This is going to be a long, paranoid, hypocondriacal 9 mos!!


Tuesday, May 12, 2009


I can't believe I have made it this far w/o any spotting. 2 more days for u/s #2. My boobs are super sore, I get killer heartburn that seems to enjoy wrecking havoc on my sleep, weirdo dreams the last two nights, occasional queasiness and smells are my worst enemy!!! Other than that I feel fine...which worries the heck outta me!

Sunday, May 10, 2009


Happy Mommie's Day to all the Mommies, Mommies-to-be, and Mommies-in-waiting.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

5w2d - rollercoaster of emotions

I had my u/s this morning and this is what we saw....

Introducing lil baby bubble bean!!!


Isn't she/he perfect. =)

So, I opted to have the RE call me w/ the BETA results today. BIG MISTAKE. I went from 668 to 1320 in 3 days, this is a doubling of 3.05 days (basically 72 hours give or take). Although every freaking website i go to says 48-72hour doubling is normal, I am still shitting bricks. Why did it slow down soooo much from 1.71 to 3.05 that double the time to make the HCG. DH is optimistic and doesn't understand why I am stressing so much about the 'numbers' as he calls them. I told the nurse when she called that by my calculations, I should have been 2000+, but she said the RE says the numbers are fine and they are looking for a 65% increase. So, do I forget I heard that number and enjoy the fact that I am preggers and finally seen somthing on the screen, or do I continue to allow the !!@#$%^ number to mess w/ my emotions???

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


That's what my mind said before my body was fully awake this morning. I started to laugh. My eyes weren't even open yet.

Tomorrow is not going to get here fast enough.

Monday, May 4, 2009

4w6d pt 2


Doubling time = 1.71 days.

Thank you Jesus!!!!

20dpiui aka 4w6d

So today is a very nerve wracking day. Not only do I have the doubling BETA thing hanging over my head, but I also started to spot at 4w6d a year ago when I got my very first BFP. Now, when I got a BFP in October, I made it past 4w6d to spot at 5w0d and again 5w5d until Dec 31st. So I have many a milestone to pass in my eyes. Today, hopefully I will pass two -- doubling Beta and a spotfree 4w6d. Thursday, hopefully I will pass the one where I never get to see anything on an u/s, even if it's the bubble...please let me see the bubble.

I am scared sh*tless. Everytime I go to the bathroom I am so afraid to look at the TP. I've been a little crampy today, but my boobs are still hurting like crazy(I've yet to stop poking at them), still getting lightheaded/dizzy, still very tired and yawning ALL day, warm to the touch, but always cold (that's never me), basically everything that was here a week ago, is here today some maybe a little stronger. Did I mention the peeing. I can not stop peeing. What it is, the size of a rice if that, so why am I peeing so dang much. I can't even temp anymore b/c I don't get enough hours sleep in a row due to waking a bazillion times to pee in the middle of the night.

So, sit with me while I await THE phone call. Anyone have a Reese's Cup?