Friday, December 21, 2012

1 Week

I have not put a Newport to my lips in exactly one week. 

Monday the 10th, I smoked my last full cigarette.
Tuesday the 11th I started taking two puffs at a time when DH would be smoking.
Friday the 14th, I woke up and said stop BSing around and just stop smoking.

I have not had one since.  No lozenges, no patches, no nicotine gum, just regular gum.  My biggest trigger moment is when I get off of work and get into the car.  DH used to have a cigarette lit and waiting for me.  

That's the positve.

The negative.  I can't stop eating!!!!!  I can't gain weight, even though I am going to have WLS, I can't gain weight right now.

I am thinking once I get the big urges under control then perhaps the eating will stop.  

Thank you all for the encouraging words, and I have to say Stephanie, cold turkey is working so much better than lozenges.

Jodi, I am ready for my WLS journey.  I am so so so ready.  I hate that I have to wait so long for my next appointment, but should be glad that I have plenty of time to say I quit smoking and I am serious this time around.  I know it's going to be hard, and I don't expect it to be a magical cure, but a tool and nothing more. 

UGH I just want to wake up and it be the last week in January already. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

2 Months

I have two months to stop smoking. 

It's hard.  Easier during work hours, but harder at home with two other smokers. 

I ask for bupropion because I heard it can help.  I have been on it almost 2 weeks and nothing so far. 

I have two months to quit so my surgeon will proceed with the WLS.

I hope I can do this.  Two months seem so long to me.  I could probably be having the surgery in two months, instead due to another addiction I have (other than food), I have to put it on hold and get this smoking under control.  I keep telling myself tomorrow I will quit.  Tomorrow I will wake up and put a lozenge in my mouth instead of a real cigarette.  But tomorrow gets here and for one reason or another I said I can't stop today, I need to spoke.

I had been spotting from October 21st until November 18th.  Started a heavy AF on November 19th that lasted until last night, December 2nd.  Forty - three days of some type of bleeding.  Made me feel like I was going crazy.  Made me feel like I was totally broken.  First no AF since August so I was broke in the fact that I couldn't get an AF and then I broke b/c I couldn't get rid of her.  A great reason to keep smoking aka excuse #1.

PCOS doc wants to do D&C, I had one for a m/c but it was like on the spot in the office, not in a hospital with anesteisia and such.  Stress stress stress for fear of the unknown.  An even better reason to keep smoking aka excuse #2.  (I actually had a hysteroscopy and D&C, no polyps nice uterus not have to wait for pathology on D&C this was thanks to my 'dysfunctional uterine bleeding')

A few weeks ago someone double parked next to my car and must have banged my driver side door b/c it wouldn't open.  DH was finally able to fix it on Saturday.  We go to do laundry on Sunday and when we get back in the car after loading the machines.  Shakey shakey shakey putt putt putt OMG!!!  What now?  I had to be at my appointment at 7am.  Will the car even make it?  More and more stress and more and more reasons to not stop smoking yet aka excuse #3.  (We made it to the appointment and back and DH fixed the car, it was the ignition coil something or other)

I am tired of making excuses to keep smoking, but I have no self control.  I want this surgery and I know I have to stop so I can get it, but my brain is so freaking stubborn, thanks to my lovely Aries (on the cusp of Taurus) sign.

Last week when I went to the WLS consult I asked which surgery he would do.  He said which one do I want.  I didn't know at the time but after lots of research and lots of info on, I think the Duodenal Switch is best for me.  It has like a 98% resolution for diabetes.  That is awesome!  All WLS have the potential of regain if you do not use your tool the way your supposed to, but there are so many success stories of those that regain being able to get back on track and their DS still working for them 5, 8 and even 10 years out.  Not like I want to use it as a free pass to get fat again, but we all know I need WLS to try to have get a take home baby.  And it's nice to know I will have a tool that will help me lose the baby weight if and when that happens.