Sunday, March 6, 2011

The End is here....for now.

After three rounds of injects and no BFP, I'm throwing in the towel....for now. I am taking the next two years off from even thinking about baby making to focus solely on me. I need to lose a lot of weight. My health is getting worse..swollen feet, high blood pressure, bad back, bad knee...my body is telling me no more fat! And I have to stop and listen to it for once.

I went to my regular doc on Thursday and had the most embarrassing thing happened to me. The nurse went to weigh me and well...the scale did not go high enough. I was mortified. I feel defeated. I swore I had my weight under control and if i ever wanted to I could lose the weight, but why lose it now b/c if I get pregnant I would put it back on...was my mentality. No more.

She has mentioned weight loss surgery to me more than once, but I am so afraid of dieing on the table. I am so afraid of being that 1 in 2000. But after crying and crying and crying about it, I made a plan. I am going to buy a treadmill, hopefully in the next two weeks. I am going to cut out the 4 worse foods in my life....RICE, BREAD, SUGAR, and PASTA. At least completely in the beginning to help get ride of the cravings and then introduce only whole grains afterward. I am going to try as hard to lose weight as I did to have a baby and if in 6 months I haven't had any progress or enough progress by my standards, then I am going to pursue the surgery.

I am giving myself until my 35th birthday....April 18 2013. I don't want to be a stick, but I want to be able to move, something I've never really done since I have been heavy since I started grade school. 100-150lbs is what I am shooting for. Almost 30 years of bad habits need to change over night, because tomorrow is when I start my mini goal of one week no R B S or P.

I am hoping at the end of all this I not only have a better me, but I have a baby to.

Wish me luck y'all...cuz Imma need all I can get. <3

10 comments:

Michele said...

Much luck to you. I'm in my own weight loss journey and, if I can help in any way, let me know. I actually found that, for me, cutting out food wouldnt work (I'd be more likely to binge). I keep up with portion control (for the most part... the last few days havent been gold star days for me- damn parties!) and try my best to keep my calories around 1700, with working out 4+ days a week. I'm 5'7 and started off, in Oct of last year, at 240 pounds. My high was 251 when I delivered the twins in Sept 2009. I'm now 184 lbs and am shooting for 150 as my "happy place". Seriously, if you need to chat or just want to vent, dont hesitate to shoot me an email.

My weightloss diary is lessofmichele.blogspot.com

BigP's Heather said...

I hear ya, I need to lose a lot of weight too. It is so hard to get motivated when it seems like such a mountain to climb. I have no doubt you can do this!!!

Patterson Family said...

You can do it!!!

Do you watch Biggest Loser? Obviously, that is to the extreme of working out, but I find it really inspiring. Sure makes me feel really guilty if I'm sitting on the couch eating ice cream while watching it.

Good luck!!!

C said...

I know you will make it. I don't have any tips on weight loss, but I know your perseverance will see you reach your goal. GOOD LUCK.

Much love.

JenH said...

*HUGS* So frustrating!

May I recommend the Atkins diet and lowcarbfriends.com? I used to be knocking on 300's door and now I'm 220.

I am sure you need the mental time off as much as the physical. I'm hoping you a speedy weight loss! Would you continue to blog about it?

Heather said...

I'm right there with you. <3 Being forced to take this long break.. I might as well. I do not want to be 300lbs and pregnant. There's no excuse. So while I have my lawsuit going on.. I'm going to lose as much weight as possible. Keep it all in mind that you're doing it for YOU. You can do it. :) I believe in you.

stina978 said...

I wish you the best of luck! May your end result be all that you hope for and more!
<3 stina978

Nan said...

I wish you all the best, :) Though I hardly comment, but I've been following your blog and I've shed a few tears while reading your experience.

If you have time do check out my blog, I write about TTC naturally with PCOS. Losing weight through exercise and healthy eating was the best thing I ever did for myself; I was able to start ovulating on my own again and almost all my PCOS symptoms are gone. Being overweight plays a huge role in fertility; you might just be surprised one day after losing a little and find that you're preggers, fingers crossed, :)

I know it's hard at first, but it's SO WORTH IT. You're on the right track by eliminating those foods from your diet. You WILL get there, :)

Jodi said...

You can do anything you set your mind too hun. I went the WLS route and I am very very happy that i did it. It was probably the best decision I ever made.

But in saying that the steps you are taking right now are awesome and something that if you did decide to go in for the WLS you would have to do anyway so training your body to eat this way is very important.

REmember to set mini goals don't make a big big goal because if you 1 week don't lose anything it gets really depressing.

You can do it hun and i will be here to cheer you on with anything.

JenH said...

How is it going? Did you find a diet that is working? Are your issues any better?