10w0d

This post contains some TMI/graphic material...read w/ caution. This post is more for my recording of what happened.

10:00pm ~ inserted 2 cyto*tec

12:21am ~ started to bleed

1:00-3:30am ~ started passing clots and what I believed was my baby, the toilet water was full of blood so I could not see what came out.

Unable to sleep most of the night due to all the blood loss, allergies, and asthma. Took a Bena*dryl and 6 Tyle*nol.

3:30-7:30am ~ Slept on and off

7:30am ~ Used the bathroom, no clots coming out, but clotty pieces when I wiped. Fell back asleep.

8:00am ~ Woke up to loud LOUD thunder and lightening. My mother up above had the heavens crying and mourning our loss.

12:00pm ~ Arrived at my appointment. I was asked if I had started bleeding, and I said yes and that I had passed a lot. Off to the u/s room. Per u/s I passed my baby just as I thought. My lining is 14-15mm, so I will be bleeding for a while.

No need for D&E. On one hand I am relieved b/c I would have had to do it w/o anesthesia. On the other hand I am sad b/c the baby can not be sent for testing.

I was given my RhoGam shot and a lab form for RPL testing.

When AF comes I will have a hysteroscopy.

I called the lab and they said the following test are included in the panel:
Glucose
Protein
RH
ABO
ANA (antinuclear antibody)
Prolactin
Insulin
Chromosome
Lupus Anti-Coagulant
Factor V Leiden

I am very relieved to be having these test done.

All set

D&E = Tuesday.

RHoGam = ordered and paid for.

Closure = pobably never.

Numbers

6 Ovulations

April 08
June 08
July 08
Sept 08
Mar 09
April 09

3 pregnancies

May 08
Oct 08
April 09

3 losses

May 08
Oct 08
June 09

50% chance of pregnancy

100% chance of no baby

What a cloudy day.

My RE's words of encouragement...your ovaries work...your tubes work....your uterus works....the sperm works....SO WHY THE FUCK AM I HEARTBROKEN?

How could I ever find happiness in a BFP again? Is it even possible? Probably not until the kid's in college.

I prayed to God this morning while I was showering for my appointment and asked him not to take this one from me too. I guess he didn't hear me over the water. Next time I will scream...loud!!

...

No growth.

No heartbeat.

No more baby.


Choices: wait two weeks and see if it passes naturally or D&E.

I opted to wait, but keep the D&E as a possibility.

Once the m/c is over and my beta is back to 0, I will be getting RPL testing done.




All I can say is....WHY?!?!