Thursday, June 4, 2009


6 Ovulations

April 08
June 08
July 08
Sept 08
Mar 09
April 09

3 pregnancies

May 08
Oct 08
April 09

3 losses

May 08
Oct 08
June 09

50% chance of pregnancy

100% chance of no baby

What a cloudy day.

My RE's words of encouragement...your ovaries work...your tubes work....your uterus works....the sperm works....SO WHY THE FUCK AM I HEARTBROKEN?

How could I ever find happiness in a BFP again? Is it even possible? Probably not until the kid's in college.

I prayed to God this morning while I was showering for my appointment and asked him not to take this one from me too. I guess he didn't hear me over the water. Next time I will scream...loud!!


The Patterson's said...

I am so sorry...there are no words to make this better.


Megan's Infertility said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Again, if you need to talk I'm here...I hope that they figure out why this keeps happening. I will keep praying for you!

Another Dreamer said...

(*HUGS*) I am so sorry hun.

Michele said...

I wish I had something that could make this journey easier, but I dont. It does hurt. With each of our losses, the pain was just as raw and visceral. There just arent words.

Praying for you. Thinking of you. Sending a hug.

a_ghastly_mess said...

since I only had one loss I dont even know what your feeling. I am so sorry and if I had a magic pill to make you feel better I would totally give it to you. Big ((HUGS))

Mrs. Chop said...

Here from LFCA. . . I'm so sorry. This is so unfair.

sassy said...

OMG, I'm so so so sorry.

Amy said...

I'm new to your blog but I had to comment and say that I am so sorry. I know what you are going through because I have had two miscarriages myself and even though it's been a year since my second miscarriage I'm still not over it. It's absolutely heartbreaking and I feel for you so much. I will be thinking about you.

MK said...

Hi, I just found you through stirrupqueen's blog. I'm sad for you for your loss. I went through the same thing - finally got pregnant and at my first appointment the embryo was VERY tiny. Two weeks later there was almost no growth. I had to wait ANOTHER two weeks until I started miscarrying. It was the worst thing to ever happen to me. Just when I thought I could finally be truly happy...

Elisabeth said...


First of all, I am so sorry for your losses.

My name is Elisabeth, and I am an infertility / repeated pregnancy loss "veteran". You can read a little bit about me and my experiences in my (not very updated) blog: . I am completing a PhD in Counseling Psychology, and my dissertation is focused upon the impact of infertility on marriage. I believe strongly that there is a need for better support services for men and women who are undergoing IF diagnosis and treatment, and my hope is that this study will aid in the development of such services.

I am contacting you after stumbling across your blog. I am recruiting participants for my study, and wanted to invite you and your husband to take part. All that would be involved would be the completion of an online survey, that would take approximately 20 minutes. All couples who complete the surveys will receive a voucher good for a pair of free movie tickets at a Regal Cinemas.

Please let me know if you are interested! I have included the criteria for participation below.

Best of luck to you!

Member of a married, heterosexual couple

Both you and your spouse are between the ages of 20 – 45

You do not have any biological or adopted children living in your home

You are not currently pregnant

Either you, your spouse, or both has received an infertility diagnosis

You are CURRENTLY receiving medical treatment for infertility

Both you and your partner are willing to participate & have access to the internet