Knock Knock

Remember me?  Probably not.  :). I completely and totally abandoned the TTC world while I went on a much needed lengthy break.

This had nothing to do with those that have achieved their goal while I had not.  It was simply the only way I know I could fully commit to this break.  I had a few moments where I was able to accept being childless, I had a few moments where I wanted to TTC the very next day, but most importantly I took the time I needed.

No, I am not TTCing right now, but come April my break will be OVER!!!!

So what have I been doing you ask.  I've completed my associated degree in Business Administration this past may. Graduating Magna Cum Laude! Woo!  Now working on my Bachelors.  I was promoted from Team Lead to Business Analyst at work back in April. Another of my step children came back to live with us.  She will be 20 in January.

I lost some weight.  First 30lbs, then thought about weight loss surgery but then was just too scared to do it. I fell off the wagon, thought I gained the 30 plus another 20 lbs back, but actually only gained 5 lbs back.  Got back on the wagon October 1st and have lost another 14lbs since. I have a year end goal and then another goal I would like to reach by April.  I am less than 10lbs away from the weight I started TTCing with an RE.

Right now I am still hurting. I tried to go back to some sites I used to visit but the pain comes back.  I want to start reading blogs again but am too scared to face all the changes that could have happened in the last 2 years. I am see sawing and really don't know where I fit in or if I even want to fit in. I am still confused. Do I want to start again?  Do I want to put myself through it all again.  My heart says he'll yea!  My brain says nuh uh. I am hoping these next 6 months fly by or I just might end up driving my self nuts or ending my break earlier than I want to.

Congrats to all the mommies.  Sweet dust for all those still trying.

Keep my sanity in your thoughts please, as I make my plans for next year I keep driving myself nuts with all those dang WHAT IFs.