CD 9

Again I have abandoned my blog. Forgive me. I am having a problem accepting that the last cycle was not a winner.

All my IF friends are turning up pregnant all over the place and as happy as I am for them, I am so sad for me. I don't feel guilty for being sad. We all go through it. Some admit it and others just keep it to themselves.


RE said 200mg of clomid CD 5-9...I said 200mg CD 5&6 and 250mgs CD 7-11....since I had enough left over to do that. First follie scan is on Friday. Can't wait.

13dpiui

Nope, didn't test today. Glad I didn't. A little while ago....spotting. I am ok. I had my cry the other day. There's always next month. April will be 1 year w/ my RE. April will be my 31st birthday.

I'll call the RE on Monday and see what the plan for next cycle is. I think I'll ask for Femara. I've only had it once as a second treatment during a failed clomid cycle.

Maybe my eggs were over matured ...they were kinda big and it was kinda late in the cycle. I'd rather have AF than another failed pregnancy.

Thank you all for your support and optimism. It kept my head afloat.

12dpiui

BFN!!! Do you see a pattern?

10 and 11dpiui

BFNs!!

9dpiui

BFN...

8dpiui

1ww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and dying to test!

3dpiui

And already going nuts w/ phantom symptoms.

IUI day ~ Constipated

1dpiui ~ Constipated, burning nips, started prometrium in the PM

2dpiui ~ Semi-constipated, burning nips, nausea in the pm w/ watery mouth, felt
like i was going to puke - thought I had food poisoning

3dpiui ~ Loads of Creamy white thick CM ...like leaking out or something lol

The only thing I am worried about is that my boobs don't hurt. Of the 4 cycles I previously O'd in, I always got sore boobs as soon as I O'd. And even after starting the prometrium...no sore boobs....what gives....I'd rather have the sore boobs than the constipation...that's for sure.

CD 28

Riddle me this...

What do you get when you have 3 released eggies and 80+ million soldiers going to war?!?!?!

Hopefully a STICKY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our regular RE did not do the IUI today, the RE that did the traumatizing D&C did. He did; however, redeem himself. He was AWESOME!!! He swooped in and told DH to come over and look at my cervix. DH said it was a hole w/some white mucous. He then told DH that he is going to put the tube through my cervix and I would feel a cramp, which I did. He then told DH to push his guys in....maybe that would be the trick for this time. DH was loving being a part of it all...and of course loving hearing about his swimmers being a-plenty. He said I was going to get a scan to see if I released my eggs or not and if I did we do BD tonight and if I didn't we do another IUI tomorrow. The scan showed at least one released on the Right and both released from the Left.

Yesterday's stats were:
E2 - 1184
LH - 25.*
P4 - 2.**


2ww here we come!!!

CD 27

Went to the RE today. Now mind you last night I was feeling things especially after DH and I BD'd...I even told him he I thought he broke my ovaries. On my right side I have ....30mm and 17mm and on my left side ....get this....38mm and 30mm!!!!!!!!!!! There was nothing there a week ago. I was concerned with the 38mm, but the RE said that he has seen them that big w/ clomid and has seen pregnancies occur. Made me feel a lil better. I got a shot of Lupron, which I thought was only for the supression of ovaries during IVF. But he said it was to make sure I release my eggs....I am still confused by that...but hey, he's the RE. He was concerned w/ my E2 last week...it was inthe 400's. I am wondering since the u/s tech has problems seeing my left side ( I had to squish down that side of my fluffy stomach) could she have missed something. Needless to say, I am soooo happy there was progression and I still have hope with this cycle.

Oh after Dr. Google and I consulted regarding triggering w/ Lupron I came across a post on SC with helpful information...here's the link that was in the post.

http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/15/11/2266

CD 20

Went to the RE this morning. I am disappointed. I was feeling very strong O pains on my left side...well....all I have is 1 follie - 13mm on the Right...NOTHING on the left. WTF!!! Don't get me wrong I am so grateful for my one follie...shoot it only takes one. But I don't get what all those pings and things were on my left side...So I am taking 200mg of clomid for the next three days and going back on Saturday. I don't feel so bad about not being able to BD the last few days (he's been sick).

CD 11

Had my HSG. Let me just say last time I had it done, I did not take anything for pain b/c I was not told to and I did not have any pain. This time I took 600mg of Ibuprofen and I had pain..aches and cramps in my cervix. There was a problem w/ my left tube, the dye did not go out of it right away, but eventually did. All clear w/ the right tube...which is the side of the ectopic. Uterus...still fine and comfy. So I asked him what I am to do next, call him on my next cycle? At first he said yes, then he asked me if I had been ovulating on my own and I said no. He then said he will give me some antibiotics b/c the dye took a minute to come out and wants to avoid any infections...and....CLOMID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!! I am back in the game!!!! He Rx'd me 100mg for 7 days. I have more at home and was going to take 200mg, but then if it works he may think I need 100mg and never Rx the 200 again so I don't want to tell him I took more than he Rx'd so I will be a good girl (again) and take only the 100mgs. With this being said I was so excited that I forgot to ask about the baby aspirin. I go back for my first u/s on Sunday the 1st of March.

CD 8

I have my annual PAP today. Nothing special. AF only lasted 5 days, usually she sticks around for 7 days. I am not complaining after bleeding for so long and she was gone in time for some VDay lovin'.

HSG in T minus 3 days.

CD5

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant only in my dream I did not know until I actually delivered. Which my Supervisor at work delivered the baby. DH was in the next room ( we did it at home) and I just knew it was a boy (all my readings say boy) but when they pulled the baby out it did not cry and i was so worried but they gave it to me and it was a little girl. I was so happy. and she was breathing and everything, she just didn't let out that cry that tells you all is well...she even nursed. I called DH and told DH to meet Chelsea (the name he picked out for a girl). OMG!!! I can't believe I had this dream.

CD4

So AF did show up!!! 5 weeks after I stopped bleeding. I am not completely and totally broke....wooo!!!!

I called my RE on monday and my HSG is set for Feb 19th (one week away). I was very tempted to take some clomid this cycle...just to see ...ya know...but I didn't. I am going to be a good girl and wait like I should.

I have also started taking my baby asprin.

Not much more going on....

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

Is she here again??

I am spotting...

Happy 2009!!!!!

Don't shoot me for missing. Don't shoot me for not reading and keeping up w/ your blogs. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope to get back in routine as soon as I get a new computer at home.

Last I left, I was still waiting for my beta to go down and my bleeding to stop.

Dec 14 HCG - 60
Dec 21 HCG - 31.2
Dec 31 Bleeding stops
Jan 2 HCG - 4.2 (anything under 5 is considered negativoooooooooooo)

Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The instructions that were left for me....avoid conception until I have my HSG (in about 2 mos). WTH!!! Avoid conception...hmmmmm....last I checked I didn't conceive...not w/o help anyway. I just laughed.

I am going to enjoy the next few months away from doctors, needles, and u/s probes.

Gimme a break...

On Thursday I went to the RE for a follow of b/w and u/s. My lining was 3.8mm, down from 9mm 11 days prior. I was told the spot they are seeing by my Right ovary did not get bigger or smaller. So I was to wait for the results of my HCG. Meanwhile, I have been having major bathroom issues and have not been able to go w/o assistance. Not going has been causing major pain on my left side. I was in a lot of pain on Tuesday night, bought some softeners on Wednesday and was able to go and felt relief. I figured I would rinse and repeat on Thursday. Well, I took the pills before I left work at 4pm. I figured since these things tend to work quicker than what the bottle says, I would be ready to go by the time I got home. I sat at my desk waiting for the RE to call and left 15 minutes late w/ no call yet. Half way home I got the worse cramps of my life! I thought my innards were being ripped out. It hurt so so bad. I was cursing the Softeners manufacturer for writing 'cramp free' on the bottle. Shoot, how about crampful!!! I got home and tried to go but no luck. Checked the voicemail from work and my HCG is down to 190. YES!!!!! I go back this weekend for follow-up. So there I am in so much pain DH yelling for me to go to the ER and stubborn me saying no no, I have to give it time to work. And...it never did, so at 8pm i told DH to come on let's go. I could not take the pain any longer. This is why I hate ERs. You wait, and wait and wait and wait and did I mention you wait? Finally got to see the triage and she is so focused on my eyebrows and other things, she has to repeat questions and retake my temp. Thank goodness the wait to go back in the ER was not so much after I seen her. I had to tell them I had an ectopic and was still m/cing. Everyone I encountered in this place kept focusing on that. Hello, I can't go to the bathroom people. I told them I just seen my doc for the ectopic this morning and told them my lining and HCG. But nope everything was focused around this. Finally I dosed off waiting for the ER doc not the nurse and when the nurse came into to the room to check vitals she put some pressure on my stomach which caused pain and the urge to urinate. I went to the bathroom and O-M-G. The pain was unbearable. It hurt when I went, it hurt from the pressure. I walked back to my room and told DH to find the nurse. At this point I was screaming and yelling b/c the pain was so bad. I know DH was embarrassed. Finally the doc came and I had to explain it all over to him. Why don't these people just get it I need to use the bathroom. He told the nurse to give me some pain meds which worked immediately as it was via IV. But I could still feel the pain from when I urinated. They sent me for an u/s and this tech was the first one that actually let me see the screen while he was working, and he talked to me about what he was doing...usually in the ER they keep the monitor away from you. So he said he had to check my kidneys first. And then he checked my ovaries. He said that the right one had a cyst on it, and the left was extremely enlarged. The fact that it was so large could be causing it to push against my bowels make it so hard for me to go. So I went back to my room where I found out that our u/s are not read by someone in the hospital, but sent to Australia to be read. WTF!! This meant more waiting. At about 5am the nurse came in w/ this bottle of stuff for me to drink...I was getting a CAT scan. She said my white blood was high indicating an infection, but they don't know where. Oh, great! It takes 2.5 hours to drink this stuff b/c i had to drink 8oz every half hour. At 730am I go for my CAT scan. I go back to my room and sleep and at 12 noon my OB/GYN comes in to tell me that....there is a 7mm mass on the left side and they are not sure if it is attached to my ovary, they are not sure if it is part of the ectopic. So I explained to him a 7mm mass would surely cause my HCG to be higher than 190 and he agreed. He said he will resend me for u/s and then make a determination....at this point one of my options is for him to go in and he may have to remove ovary and tube. OMG!!! I just want to poop!!!!! I am going nuts and I start crying. He leaves to order the u/s. And guess what....I poop!!!!! I think him wanting to take my ovary and tube literally scared the sh*t out of me. I go for my second u/s and this lady keeps the screen from me and she hurts when she is doing it and i just feel like kicking her. I go back to my room and a few hours later comes the ER doc to tell me that the u/s does not show the mass only the CAT Scan, but to follow up w/ my RE and GYN. Does she mention my poop, no. So I do, and she tells me to take softeners...O-M-G I did and guess where that landed me woman!!!!! It is 3pm I have been in the ER since 8pm the day before have not eaten, have barely had any water and I am so ready to just get home. The pain had eased up. I am wondering if this mass they seen on the CAT scan was not just my poop?!?!?

Feeling so great that the pain has let up, I get up and go take a shower on Saturday and what do I do?? I twisted my back causing my Siatic nerve to pinch. Can I just catch a break?? Huh? Can I????

...

HCG from Saturday was 1100. He said after the D&C and went down and then platued. So I got the Methotrexate shot on Sunday. I go back in a week or so.

Please let this end already.

And the saga continues...

I know I know I know I have not been around. I needed and still need time away. I felt it’s time I update all that has been going on, not only to keep for my record, but so that my supporters know I am still alive and well.

I spotted from October 19th – November 5th. My appointment after my hospital episode was November 6th. My lining was 29mm and my HCG was 7400 UP from 3500 two weeks earlier. That was not good. I took 6 Cytotec pills, vaginally, that night. I had a horrid, horrid, night. I barely slept. I was in pain and passing loads of clots. Went in the next day November 7th and my lining had dropped to 15mm and my HCG was 6200. I went back November 10th and my Lining was 16mm and we did a D & C. It was painful, done right there in the office, I was not under. My HCG was 4400. Went back on the 12th and my lining was still thick 16-17mm. I didn’t get my HCG for that day. On November 14th, I woke up with a lot of pain. By the time I got to work and used the bathroom I passed a silver dollar size drop of blood, not a clot as it was bright red. All day I was passing smalls bits and pieces. When I got home that night and used the bathroom, I felt something…when I got up and looked in the toilet it was about 2-3 inches long. I was scared. I thought of calling my DH, but since he gets totally grossed out by all things vaginal, I didn’t. I pondered taking it out, but I had nothing steril to put it in, and didn’t know what to do with it. So..I flushed it. Later that night, I told DH and he got mad that I did not call him. Since then, I have been bleeding, like a medium AF. It has been very mucousy. I also have developed extreme constipation.

And this brings me to this mornings appointment. My lining this time was 9mm. I am so glad it’s coming down. They will call me later to tell me what my HCG is at. The RE is already talking about starting again after the new year. I am scared. We are going to do another HSG, since the D&C did not reveal anything in the uterus and the u/s sometimes shows something near the right tube. He said it’s nothing in danger of rupturing, but wants to make sure the tube is ok before we go on. I was actually going to suggest another one before we started anyway. I am also going to start taking Baby Aspirin to thin my blood. I had my wonderful u/s Tech today ( during all that I typed above she was not my u/s …the ones that I was working w/ must not know how to find ovaries and stuff in a fat chick…they were hurting the heck out of me). She said that the chart shows my Ovaries were hiding last time, but she was able to locate them w/ minimal pain. I love her!!! She is so informative. She talks to me about everything she sees. She’s be doing this for 34 years she said. She told me that the previous u/s showed a large amount of blood by my cervix (yea thanks to the other tech for sharing that bit of info w/ me), but my cervix looks tons better now. I am assuming the mass I passed last Friday was what they were seeing on the u/s. I will update again once I know my HCG.

I am sorry I have not commented on your blogs. I am reading them and keep each and every one of you in my thoughts and prayers.

See SPOT run, see SPOT hide, see SPOT again

So that's all I have been doing for 1 week 2 days...spotting. I have not actually bleed yet. My boobs still hurt which makes me think that my progesterone has not gone down even though it was 9.6 a few weeks ago. I stopped my supplement last Monday. The spotting is driving me nuts. I just want this over with.