Tuesday, May 19, 2009

7w0d

I called for yesterday's BETA...4097. Not at all where it should be...should have been way past 10,000 even if the doubling happened every 3 days. I've already prepared myself for bad news on Friday. I called the gonal-f people and have an application on it's way for a free month of meds (let me know if you want the info) for when this is all over and done with. I try so much to be happy for the other ladies in my EDD thread, but w/ each great u/s news or each twins announcement I get more depressed, more woe is me, I feel more like a failure.

3 m/c in 12 mos WTF!!!!

What am I going to do today? I am going to go home, have me a smoke and get it on with my husband while eating an uncooked ham and cheese sandwich w/ sushi on the side. Oh don't forget the rum and coke followed by an espresso to wash it all down. B/c when I try to do all the good things, shit don't work out. So maybe if i do the opposite of what I am told to do, maybe, I'll end up with a baby.

Enough of my pity party. You should know the drill...if you don't hear from me for a while, it's because I am wallowing in self pity.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh I feel so bad for you. It took me years of trying too. I know how it feels when someone else is pregnant and you are not and I can only hope that sometime soon things will hold for you.

Another Dreamer said...

I am so sorry for your loss. So very sorry sweetie(*HUGS*)

Do what you need to do.

Chhandita said...

arghhhhh..thts all i can say ....

Hela said...

so sorry lovey :hugss:

Megan's Infertility said...

I am so sorry hun. If you need to talk I'm here.

womb for improvement said...

Wallow as long as you need. I'm sorry.

Banana Pancakes... With no little monkey to feed them to. said...

So sorry my friend :( *hugs*

a_ghastly_mess said...

Fuck. Fuck fuck im pissed off i will pray for you and dh. I am soo pissed off. you and dh deserve this soo much.

Sara said...

So sorry, dear. I will say a prayer.

If you wouldn't mind emailing me the info on the gonal-f, I would appreciate it. I am at irishgem1977@yahoo.com

rescogitatae said...

Lina, I am so so so sorry to hear this. :( Huge hugs. Do whatever you need to do to help get through this. Will your doctor now do some serious investigations to try and find out why this is happening?
T.

Michele said...

DAMMIT!!! I am just so sorry. Email me iff you need to talk.

Starlingirl said...

I wish things were different. My thoughts are with you.