Wednesday, July 16, 2008

An Intro....Last 10 years....

Wow. Like so many before me I started by reading other Blogs. Endlessly. All on the same subject. Infertility (IF). Never commented though. I always started from the begining so by the time I got to the end the person was no longer posting.

My story you ask....>sigh<'s a long one...
I used to live in New Jersey. I met my husband when I was 19 on January 18, 1998. He was 29 and already had 5 yes....1 2 3 4 5 kids from 2 previous relationships. I have always wanted kids. 10 to be exact. Don't laugh. I just wanted to be a mother. I moved in with him and four of his children September that year. We were engaged November. We did the JOP (Justice of the Peace) thing January 28, 1999. I tried to get it on our one year anniversary but was unable to. By this time we have had been 'not preventing' pregnancy since about April...if I got the calendar out I could tell you the exact date...b/c that just me.

Time went on...AF not coming when she was supposed to. HPTs only showing BFNs. Frustrations. Hurt. Pain. Anger. UGHHHHHH!!!!

I was too scared to go to the doctor. I thought it was all because of my weight. Last thing I needed was a doctor telling me I was too fat to get preggos.

We moved to Philly. All 4 children were in school now. I decided to make an appoint with an OB/GYN. Yea lotta good that did me. I told this guy I wasn't able to get pregnant. He told me he could not help me. Didn't do a PAP or anything. Told me I needed a fertility specialist. WHAT?!? I was discouraged. I called one doctor and asked how much a consult was, our insurance did not have IF coverage at that time. I was told about $300-$400, well, we really didn't have that much extra $$ hanging around. 4 kids remember.

I remember searching IF online one day and came across PCOS. I thought hey, that really sounds just like me. But stupid me didn't write any of it down. I basically forgot what it was.

Due to reasons I will not go into 3 of the 4 children went back to their mother. And after having an almost empty nest for 2 years, I knew it was time. I needed to forget my fears, I needed to find out what was wrong with me.

So I did it. I went to my GP for a physical in 2005. And she went through the normal questions ...ever been pregnant yadda yadda...and I blurted it out. I told her how we have never used protection, I have never been on BCPs and AF was irregular causing me to constantly think that month was THE month. She looked at me and said you need to get checked for PCOS. She really didn't explain it to me. She also said they may want to put me on BCPs. HELLO I want a baby I don't want to not have a baby. I was upset at that thought. So when my blood work came back w/ everything being A-OK. She gave me the OK to go to an OB/GYN and insisted that I tell him I be checked for PCOS and tell him that my Thyroid was fine.

And I did. I made that first appointment. I had my first ever PAP. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And then we discussed it. Dr. S said all he had to do was look at me and knew I had PCOS. I have all the classic symptoms. Irregular AF. Acne on my body thankfully not my face. Obesity - yea, I am VERY fluffy. Hirtsutism - Excessive hair growth on chin and upper lip. Can I tell you that my tweezers are my secret lover...shhh don't tell DH?? Acanthosis nigricans - on thighs, under breast and under arms. Skin tags - on my neck. Oh and the grand prize...Annovulation, hence the rare AF and NO BABY!!! So that's it. There's a name to what I have. Great...if it's gotta name, it's gotta cure. Right?? Right??? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I left w/ my RX for Clomid and Met. I was told to try it for a few months and then go back to see him.

So, yup that's what I did. 3 or 4 rounds of 50mg clomid and 850mg of Met and no monitoring what so ever. Well there was the occasional OPK. But never a positive. So I went back to him and told him and he said well, at this point that's all I can do b/c after all he is ONLY an OB/GYN. You need to see a specialist and he gave me a list of them. But...I had already been doing my own research on REs and came across Dr. M. He is known to be a top doctor for PCOS. And I made my appointment.

In January 2006, I had my HSG. I was told all was clear and my uterus looked great. OK, where's my baby?!?!?!? Why isn't he/she snuggled up in there, you's being so great and all....

I had the 2 hour GTT. The results indicated I needed to be on a higher Met dosage and I went up to 850 x 2. I tolerated it well. No GI issues at all.

After AF went on a vacation we finally were ready for monitored cycles. By this time I had found a wonderful website for 'Cysters' and started to read all about what I had. It was April 2006, all I knew was that I wanted to be pregnant for my birthday the 18th. So my first follie scan showed nothing. I was scheduled to come back on my birthday for a follow up. The weekend before my mother who was already in the hospital took a turn for the worse. I didn't make it to my monitoring appointment. And 3 days later my mother passed away. I stopped everything. All of it, the met, the clomid, the monitoring. Never went back. Longed to go back...but didn't. My focus: my father...he took moms passing really really bad. He wanted to go back to Puerto Rico. And so he did.

Once I was able to focus on me again. I wondered if I should go back. But put it in the back of my mind. I just prayed every month that I would get the almighty BFP.

What's this...AF on time. N.O.W.A.Y! Yea by some miracle my cycles regulated themselves. Coming every 28-35 days and they still do. I mean sure that's not regular by the standard means of regular. But shoot if AF is visiting each month, that's regular enough for me. This was it...AF was coming when she was supposed to...I will get preggos now!!!...So I went another year of hoping, wanting, crying for, longing for ...the almighty BFP. Nada, nil, zilch, zero...nuffin.

THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!

I am taking control of this situation!!!

To be continued....

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