>sigh<

So, I have been spotting since yesterday. My temps dropped and those super sore boobs are no more. I did not test. I could not bring myself to the disappointment. I need a break for my sanity. So all I will be doing is temping. No meds, no OPKs, and just having fun sex not BDing. When I am ready, I will be going back to the RE to start the donated Follistim. I am sorry I have not visited anyone's blogs recently. I am just a lil down and on the weekends I only have my crappy lappy so I can't access blogspot from it...>shrugs<

I cried a lot yesterday and fought with my inner self, but I think a break is needed. I have pushed my body so hard to O the last 3 cycles...double meds, longer and higher doses than norm. I am going to try to get back on my diet wagon b/c since the m/c i have been eating like a hog and I totally know it's all emotional eating nothing more nothing less.

Unfortunately, I am a one trick horse. My life is dull, all I do is go to work and come home. So IF is all I can blog about. If you don't see me it's b/c I dunno what else to write about.

TV, oh and I am now in the 1ww!!!

If you knew me IRL, you would tell me I watch entirely too much TV. My life revolves around 8pm!! I am in mourning b/c my DVR broke this weekend and we are supposed to get a new one today...well they tried to deliver it yesterday, but DH was not home. All of my previously recorded items have been deleted….music videos, hours of X-Files, hours of an NCIS marathon, and most recently recorded practically all last season of Eureka and the season premier!! A few movies I recorded from Sci-Fi, and all my reminders. M is non-too happy as all his WWE reminders are now null and void!! He missed Saturday's Main Event b/c of it.

Tonight I get to indulge in SYTYCD--So You Think You Can Dance, which will be over soon. Then what?? It's summer time and all my delicious TV watching is on hold until September. BOOO!!!

What I can't wait to start in the Fall:

PrisonBreak(FOX-Sept 1st) ~ OMG!!!! I am in love. I have not missed an eppie since it started. Wentworth, you are hot!!!!

Bones(FOX-Sept 3rd) ~ I wonder if Bones and Booth got together would the show go kaput?? They have great chemistry.

Fringe(FOX-Sept 9th) ~ New show…commercials make it seem interesting …but we all know how that can pan out.

House(FOX-Sept 16th) ~ OMG is there a doctor in the house…b/c he is more of a psycho than a doctor…but I still love him.

L&O:SVU(NBC-Sept 23rd) ~ Now don’t get me wrong there was a time when I used to be highly addicted all things L&O. But in recent years the other two have
just …slipped away.

Lipstick Jungle(NBC-Sept 24th) ~ Fairly new show …just started last season. I am willing to keep giving it a try…after all Brooke Sheilds is in it.

Grey's Anatomy(ABC-Sept 25th) ~ Come on already!!!! They are driving me nuts together, broken up, together, broken up, rinse and repeat.

Desperate Housewives(ABC-Sept 28th) ~ Do I want to be just like them…NO. Do I enjoying watching them….YES!!!!!

Dirty Sexy Money(ABC-Oct 1st) ~ I guess I didn’t have anything else to fill the slot and it just grew on me.

Private Practice(ABC-Oct 1st) ~ I am so hoping this show picks up. I think Addison is great, but hope she didn’t mess things up by going solo.

Cold Case(CBS-Sundays) ~ Is this coming back for a new season?? I guess CBS just doesn’t post the premier dates LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!

CSI: Miami(CBS-Mondays) ~ I only used to watch CSI, barely watched CSI:NY and NEVER watched CSI: Miami…until one day I fell in love with a red head, there’s no turning back.

NCIS(NBC-Tuesdays) ~ Abby is one of my favorite characters on TV. I did not see the last season b/c other things were on TV, but w/ my trusty DVR I won’t miss an eppie now.

Without A Trace(NBC-Tuesdays) ~ Have watched this show since it started. I miss a few seasons or half seasons but I catch up on reruns.

Cablewise…I am looking forward to Nip/Tuck(FX-Sundays) and Dexter(SHO-Sept 28th). Which means I will have to change my package at home since I do not have premium channels!! lol

So... I am 8DPO -- officially 1 week down, 1 week to go. Am I hopeful...yea sometimes like when my boobs really hurt. Am I devestated...yea sometimes like when my boobs don't seem to hurt as much as 5 minutes ago.

Check it out...

So I wondered over to Blogher and stubbled across The Day the World Stopped. What do you think? Do you think she did or didn't?? I know I am prone to think of ART when I see twins and multiples.

J, a close Cyster, is having her first baby today!!! WOOO!! She is in labor right now and we are all excited for her lil ninja to join us.

CD31 - 6DPO Owies!!!

That's all I can say at the mo'. My boobs are hurting me so much. They hurt when I breath in, they hurt if I cough, if I sneeze. But no no no way will I think more of this than I need to. Right?? During my April cycle...my boobs hurt as well...the nips were as effected as the over all boob ...during my June cycle just my nips were a tad sensative if touched...but OMG!!! I am in pain here folks. I told DH I may not need that boob job after all...SWOLLEN!!!!!

OK, so 6DPO this week will not go fast enough if you ask me. But I am hoping it does.

So anyone else out there in the 2WW with me?? How are you feeling??


ETA: I actually had 4 days of +++OPKs then a negative. SHEESH. Is that normal? First + was equal to the Test line, the next two were blazing and darker and the fourth was equal. The one on Saturday went back to be light.

Finally...

Not much going on. DH is still ill...he vomited last night ...just when I thought things had passed lol bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. Poor guy.


3DPO and 11 more to go...will I make it??

Ps. Yes, I do have PCOS, just not high LH. While I do always have a second line it does not become +++ until I actually O...I just never kept OPKing after a few days before ...So now I am just doing it to see how long it last. lol

ETA: I usually stop OPKing after my u/s after the IUI confirms no more follie. So no point in POAS if I know my egg released.

Mission - Seduce M : Failed

Well....M seemed fine when I got home from work. I thought YAY!!! BDing for me tonight. Boy was I wrong. I went to wash some dishes later on and when I went back to the bedroom he was sleeping. UGHHHHHHH!!! Can we say FRUSTRATION!

So, I am still in the 2ww and 2DPO if we go by my temps, but my OPK is still +++. Thank you body, thank you for being so confusing.



The other day I mentioned how I was reading a blog starting from the beginning. The blog I have been reading is A Little Pregnant. Her story is amazing and although she may feel like she is not strong going through all she has, I want her and everyone else to know how brave and strong she really is. I am getting close to the end. I reading the end of 2007. I can't wait to see what she is up to now. I refuse to read any post she makes until I am caught up. I don't want to spoil her story. She is an excellent writer and I told M she should be writing a book.

The first few blogs I found, the author's no longer post which upset me. I don't like to be left hanging, but I know things happen and sometimes you just can't keep updating.

I never realized how addicting this blog stuffs can be.

IUI: Mission Aborted

M woke w/ a headache and stomach ache. No IUI for me. We did BD last night and hopefully he will be up to it tonight.

Thank you ladies for all your warm wishes.

I feel so guilty for thinking the way I am. One minute I feel bad that he is sick and the other minute I am wanting to cry b/c there was no IUI. Now, we only do IUI b/c my PCT showed dead swimmers not b/c DH has any issues or anything like that. I hope the pre.seed was enough. I am sad, but I will get over it.

>sigh<

YESSSSSSSSS!!!

Tomorrow morning @ 10am I will be doing an IUI.

I hope it's not too late. Should I BD when I get home from work ...just in case?? M has no spermy issues.

Why....

Why must my body deceive me?? I am 110% sure I am surging. The SMU OPK is a blazing +++!!! I won't be able to make it until 3pm tomorrow and that is too late in the day. I am frantically thinking of how I can get there tomorrow earlier. UGH!!! Why body why must you deceive me ...first you make the doctors think we have a busted cycle b/c you don't want to grow and then as soon as we leave what do you do??? YOU GROW!!!!

CD 25 Confuzzeled

Ok, so my body lied to me. You know how I know...I got a darker OPK this morning. It was as almost as dark as the control line and I compared it to my April cycle (b/c I used to same brand then) and it looks just like my CD21 which means tomorrow's should be darker yet, as I got a blazing +++ on CD22 of that cycle. I usually get +++ for about 2 days. I won't call the RE until I am 100% sure this is a positive and not a fluke. So you know what that means....POAS all day long!!!! And try the natural way. Although, due to CM issues, I don't think that will do us much good, but I do have one bottle of Pre.Seed left so hopefully that will do the trick.

On another front. I just need to say what an amazing resource Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters blog is. So many times I Goo.gled IF related stuffs and I always ended up at her site. Not only does she have a list of just about every IF Diagnosis, treatment, and medication, but she also has a directory of just about every IF Blog out there ~ for every possible situation. The owner of this blog has other blogs and yesterday I came across the Lost and Found and Connections Abound blog, thanks to directions from those who have left me comments. It's great. It's like a little summary of the happenings, who's got a Bday, anniversary, who is cycling, getting scans, in the 2ww...ect. It's wonderful and if you have not been there, I strongly suggest checking it out.

I have ferrets. Have I told you guys that? 5 of them to be exact. I am head over heals in love with them.

Here take a look:


From L to R we have Sonic aka Monkey (he climbs on everything), Mimzy (our only girl) and Crash (he bumps into everything).


This is Yonk-Yonk pka Bianca until we found out SHE was a HE.


Our newest edition to family is Yoshi he is the one curled upside down.

These are my babies. I can not tell you how much I love them. How watching them run around and play not only lights up my life but that of M and J.

CD 24 O.o

Howdy folks!!! If you ask me, I O'd on Saturday. But I am bias...sooooo. Tender breast. Check. Ovulation pain. Check. Temp rise. Check. Preseed. Check. BDing. Check. Now let's see how long the rise last. If it plummets tomorrow everything I am feeling is in my imagination. And I will be bummed.

Now I need to know folks...if someone posts a comment and I want to respond do I do it w/ another comment or in my next post?? What is proper Blog Etiquette (B/E)?!?

DH (we'll call him M) and I had a relaxing weekend of TV. WOOO!!!! No one called. No one came over. No one interrupted. DSS (we'll call him J) was out spending his summer paycheck with his girlfriend. AAHHHH Relaxing. And while M watched countless hours of Sharks...(I believe it's shark week on some channel or another), I read and read and read the back story on a blog. See this is where B/E comes into play. Do I tell you which blog I was reading?? Do I not?? Is it ok??? Do I need permission from the author to list her blog??

What is L & F?? I gather it means Lost and Found?!?!??

Some have commented on the Article I posted. I am not saying it's wrong or right. I am saying if she's 70 and I am 30 ...I CAN DO IT!!!

My supervisor is on vacation all week. What a relaxing work week we will all have!!! And I can spend my time reading blogs! SHHHH!

CD eHHH Who Cares....

Thank you to all the commenters. I appreciate your words of encouragement and have added you all to my Goo*gle Reader. I hope to read your stories from the beginning.

So I did a Goo*gle search on Clo*mid Resist*ance and....came out with ....Dexa*methasome in use w/ Clo*mid Resist*ance.

A few links if you will...

IngentaConnect Infertility. Low-dose dexameth...

Investigation On The Effects Of Bromocriptine...

Adjunctive use of dexamethasome in Clomid res...

Clomiphene citrate and dexamethazone in treat...

So, I called my REs office to speak to the nice Nurse I saw yesterday. Of course she is the only one in the office today, so I will try back later in the afternoon.

You see, I can't afford injectibles. And although I work for the insurance company, the HMO plan I have does not cover IVF and injectibles. So it's oral meds and then the 900iu of donated Folli*stim and then I'm SOL! So, if I can convince them to try a round of the Clo*mid and DEX, that buys me another month w/o those lovely injectibles. I may even beg for a higher dos of Fem*ara at least once. Am I wasting my time?? Should I just hop on the injects wagon and hope for the best?? I would have no problem if I knew I would get more injects if it failed.

A lovely and thoughtful Cyster has a friend that may still have some left over Brav*elle, so I will also discuss that when I call the nurse back.

Eureka!! I found out how to get my prev temp back from my new thermometer. I just hold the button down and my current temp flashes and then the first ever temp flashes. I am so happy. I am thinking of temping...you know from down yonder next round...so please if you have any advise or experience do share.

I have decided to turn the A/C as low as I can stand in hopes that I will not have all these extremely low temps. Sheesh my chart looked like a set of stairs.

Will update late w/ the convo I have w/ the nurse.

PS. If you have tried DEX - do tell.

CD BUST aka CD 20

BUSTED!!! The word for this cycle. My follie is only 13mm (it should have been 20-21mm). My lining doubled from 6.6mm to 13mm. Is that why my AFs are so heavy and long?? The nurse told me to wait for AF and call for a CD2-4 scan to start injectibles. I have been fighting back tears since we left. But crying will not make it better. I asked her if I should even still do the OPKS…you know just in case…she said yes and if I get a surge to call for IUI. >sigh<

I will go put my head in an oven now....

This is for Jenni...my current chart. I am sorry, I don't know how to make your name a URL so people can link to it...nor do I know how to write chart and make the word chart my chart...lol...anyone know??? Never mind I did it ...I think...WOOOT!!!! Nope I tried it an my chart is only showing my ticker...hmmm...ok got it!!!!! YAY!!

CD 18

What is going on w/ my temps???? I don't get it ...they have been sloping downwards since the beginning of the cycle. Is it the A/C??? But I had the A/C on last cycle and this did not happen, I still had my roller coaster temps. I am so frustrated. I even bought a new thermometer and nothing same crap. And the new one doesn't even save the temp. It's supposed to but it's stuck on the very first temp I had. At least it beeps my other one didn't beep anymore. I don't know what to think anymore. Hurry up Thursday!!

CD 17

Nothing to report. Just trying to rush the week so I can see what my lovies are doing.

>sigh<

I learned how to subscribe to other blogs via google reader and bloglines. I hope atleast one of these works on my at home computer (read: crappy lappy). Unfortunately I can't even log on to blogger on that thing. I can't wait until I can get a new one!!!

The IF blogging world seems to be a very close knit family. I am just too shy to go up an introduce myself....

CD14 Grow Follies Grow!!!!

Stats:
R Ovary: Quiet...WTF this is not a library.
L Ovary: 9mm
Lining : 6.6mm

All in all not bad not good. I wanted to have multiple juicy follies, but I will settle w/ my one. Because...ONE IS BETTER THAN NONE. For 2 cycles I have had no follies on my initial scan and have had to do another round of meds. I will not have to move to injectibles just yet....woooot!! So I go back on Thursday CD 20 and hopefully (using the 1-2mm/day growing method) my follie will be about 20-21mm ...HOPEFULLY..

Well...it's back to work I go.

CD13

I fixed my charts. I just added the links instead. So CD13 today. Loads of O pain yesterday and today. I had what I thought to be O pains last month and well...there was nothing there. I just couldnt understand it. So I hope my body is not playing tricks on me again. Shoot w/ 7 days of 200mgs of Clomid SOMETHING better be going on in there!!!!

My life revolves around TTCing. It's all I think about Morning, Noon, and Night. I try to focus on other things, but it's virtually impossible. I know it's bad. I know I need another outlet. I just have yet to find it.

On another note tomorrow is my (well i guess it isn't another note b/c it's the same topic...TTCing) follie scan is tomorrow. HURRY and get here already.

I watched Jon and Kate plus 8 for the first time yesterday. I dunno what to think of them yet. There is just something about the both of them that gets me. When I know...you'll know.

So anything interesting out there in blogland....anyone even listening??