Gimme a break...

On Thursday I went to the RE for a follow of b/w and u/s. My lining was 3.8mm, down from 9mm 11 days prior. I was told the spot they are seeing by my Right ovary did not get bigger or smaller. So I was to wait for the results of my HCG. Meanwhile, I have been having major bathroom issues and have not been able to go w/o assistance. Not going has been causing major pain on my left side. I was in a lot of pain on Tuesday night, bought some softeners on Wednesday and was able to go and felt relief. I figured I would rinse and repeat on Thursday. Well, I took the pills before I left work at 4pm. I figured since these things tend to work quicker than what the bottle says, I would be ready to go by the time I got home. I sat at my desk waiting for the RE to call and left 15 minutes late w/ no call yet. Half way home I got the worse cramps of my life! I thought my innards were being ripped out. It hurt so so bad. I was cursing the Softeners manufacturer for writing 'cramp free' on the bottle. Shoot, how about crampful!!! I got home and tried to go but no luck. Checked the voicemail from work and my HCG is down to 190. YES!!!!! I go back this weekend for follow-up. So there I am in so much pain DH yelling for me to go to the ER and stubborn me saying no no, I have to give it time to work. And...it never did, so at 8pm i told DH to come on let's go. I could not take the pain any longer. This is why I hate ERs. You wait, and wait and wait and wait and did I mention you wait? Finally got to see the triage and she is so focused on my eyebrows and other things, she has to repeat questions and retake my temp. Thank goodness the wait to go back in the ER was not so much after I seen her. I had to tell them I had an ectopic and was still m/cing. Everyone I encountered in this place kept focusing on that. Hello, I can't go to the bathroom people. I told them I just seen my doc for the ectopic this morning and told them my lining and HCG. But nope everything was focused around this. Finally I dosed off waiting for the ER doc not the nurse and when the nurse came into to the room to check vitals she put some pressure on my stomach which caused pain and the urge to urinate. I went to the bathroom and O-M-G. The pain was unbearable. It hurt when I went, it hurt from the pressure. I walked back to my room and told DH to find the nurse. At this point I was screaming and yelling b/c the pain was so bad. I know DH was embarrassed. Finally the doc came and I had to explain it all over to him. Why don't these people just get it I need to use the bathroom. He told the nurse to give me some pain meds which worked immediately as it was via IV. But I could still feel the pain from when I urinated. They sent me for an u/s and this tech was the first one that actually let me see the screen while he was working, and he talked to me about what he was doing...usually in the ER they keep the monitor away from you. So he said he had to check my kidneys first. And then he checked my ovaries. He said that the right one had a cyst on it, and the left was extremely enlarged. The fact that it was so large could be causing it to push against my bowels make it so hard for me to go. So I went back to my room where I found out that our u/s are not read by someone in the hospital, but sent to Australia to be read. WTF!! This meant more waiting. At about 5am the nurse came in w/ this bottle of stuff for me to drink...I was getting a CAT scan. She said my white blood was high indicating an infection, but they don't know where. Oh, great! It takes 2.5 hours to drink this stuff b/c i had to drink 8oz every half hour. At 730am I go for my CAT scan. I go back to my room and sleep and at 12 noon my OB/GYN comes in to tell me that....there is a 7mm mass on the left side and they are not sure if it is attached to my ovary, they are not sure if it is part of the ectopic. So I explained to him a 7mm mass would surely cause my HCG to be higher than 190 and he agreed. He said he will resend me for u/s and then make a determination....at this point one of my options is for him to go in and he may have to remove ovary and tube. OMG!!! I just want to poop!!!!! I am going nuts and I start crying. He leaves to order the u/s. And guess what....I poop!!!!! I think him wanting to take my ovary and tube literally scared the sh*t out of me. I go for my second u/s and this lady keeps the screen from me and she hurts when she is doing it and i just feel like kicking her. I go back to my room and a few hours later comes the ER doc to tell me that the u/s does not show the mass only the CAT Scan, but to follow up w/ my RE and GYN. Does she mention my poop, no. So I do, and she tells me to take softeners...O-M-G I did and guess where that landed me woman!!!!! It is 3pm I have been in the ER since 8pm the day before have not eaten, have barely had any water and I am so ready to just get home. The pain had eased up. I am wondering if this mass they seen on the CAT scan was not just my poop?!?!?

Feeling so great that the pain has let up, I get up and go take a shower on Saturday and what do I do?? I twisted my back causing my Siatic nerve to pinch. Can I just catch a break?? Huh? Can I????

...

HCG from Saturday was 1100. He said after the D&C and went down and then platued. So I got the Methotrexate shot on Sunday. I go back in a week or so.

Please let this end already.

And the saga continues...

I know I know I know I have not been around. I needed and still need time away. I felt it’s time I update all that has been going on, not only to keep for my record, but so that my supporters know I am still alive and well.

I spotted from October 19th – November 5th. My appointment after my hospital episode was November 6th. My lining was 29mm and my HCG was 7400 UP from 3500 two weeks earlier. That was not good. I took 6 Cytotec pills, vaginally, that night. I had a horrid, horrid, night. I barely slept. I was in pain and passing loads of clots. Went in the next day November 7th and my lining had dropped to 15mm and my HCG was 6200. I went back November 10th and my Lining was 16mm and we did a D & C. It was painful, done right there in the office, I was not under. My HCG was 4400. Went back on the 12th and my lining was still thick 16-17mm. I didn’t get my HCG for that day. On November 14th, I woke up with a lot of pain. By the time I got to work and used the bathroom I passed a silver dollar size drop of blood, not a clot as it was bright red. All day I was passing smalls bits and pieces. When I got home that night and used the bathroom, I felt something…when I got up and looked in the toilet it was about 2-3 inches long. I was scared. I thought of calling my DH, but since he gets totally grossed out by all things vaginal, I didn’t. I pondered taking it out, but I had nothing steril to put it in, and didn’t know what to do with it. So..I flushed it. Later that night, I told DH and he got mad that I did not call him. Since then, I have been bleeding, like a medium AF. It has been very mucousy. I also have developed extreme constipation.

And this brings me to this mornings appointment. My lining this time was 9mm. I am so glad it’s coming down. They will call me later to tell me what my HCG is at. The RE is already talking about starting again after the new year. I am scared. We are going to do another HSG, since the D&C did not reveal anything in the uterus and the u/s sometimes shows something near the right tube. He said it’s nothing in danger of rupturing, but wants to make sure the tube is ok before we go on. I was actually going to suggest another one before we started anyway. I am also going to start taking Baby Aspirin to thin my blood. I had my wonderful u/s Tech today ( during all that I typed above she was not my u/s …the ones that I was working w/ must not know how to find ovaries and stuff in a fat chick…they were hurting the heck out of me). She said that the chart shows my Ovaries were hiding last time, but she was able to locate them w/ minimal pain. I love her!!! She is so informative. She talks to me about everything she sees. She’s be doing this for 34 years she said. She told me that the previous u/s showed a large amount of blood by my cervix (yea thanks to the other tech for sharing that bit of info w/ me), but my cervix looks tons better now. I am assuming the mass I passed last Friday was what they were seeing on the u/s. I will update again once I know my HCG.

I am sorry I have not commented on your blogs. I am reading them and keep each and every one of you in my thoughts and prayers.

See SPOT run, see SPOT hide, see SPOT again

So that's all I have been doing for 1 week 2 days...spotting. I have not actually bleed yet. My boobs still hurt which makes me think that my progesterone has not gone down even though it was 9.6 a few weeks ago. I stopped my supplement last Monday. The spotting is driving me nuts. I just want this over with.

Medical Mystery aka Where's Waldo?

Monday afternoon I went to the ER b/c of spotting and sudden cramps on my left side. I was there from 3:30pm-10:30pm and was then transferred to another hospital b/c this one did not have ob/gyn services. Why did it take them 7 hours to tell me this? They should have told me that the moment I told them I was pregnant. At the first hospital they took blood and did u/s. I was told they were having trouble reading the u/s. I felt like telling them to let me see, I can tell them if there’s a baby in there or not. So finally this doctor comes and tells me that w/ a BETA of 5400, they should be able to see something and since they can’t and I am having the pain on my left side, they are going to transfer me to another hospital that should be able to see if it’s ectopic. I was so mad that they kept me for so long. Once I was transferred, I had blood and u/s done again immediately, and again, nothing on the u/s. I was told that they are going to admit me. Since nothing was seen on the u/s again, they may have to do laparoscopic surgery and check the tube. I didn’t want to lose my tube.

So, Tuesday morning a total of 4 doctors came to see me, all at different times. I had to keep answering the same questions. They could not understand why I was taking a diabetic medication if I was not Type II, they did not understand why I was on Prometrium for my low progesterone. They thought it was ectopic too. They were going to give me Methotraxate, but wanted to wait since they knew it was a wanted pregnancy. I kept telling them to call my RE. The doctor said he did not have privileges in this hospital. I know that!! I didn’t want you to call him so he can come see me, I wanted them to know what happened…and hopefully b/c ya’ll are stumped he could tell you what to do!! The one doctor kept asking me if I had invitro I said no, and explained my cycle again telling him I had an IUI for better chance. They just didn’t know!! And it frustrated me to no end. I was told that my BETA went down to 4500 so they are going to keep me another day and watch what it does. Now, I am not a doctor, but you are telling me my BETA is going down, what is there to be stumped about, I am having a miscarriage. I kind of felt like they were giving me false hope, when I knew it was already over. They sent me for another u/s. The u/s tech told me to tell them to stop sending me, that I was too early, that I may have miscalculated when I conceived. I told her that I had a monitored cycle and I could tell her w/in a few hours difference exactly when I ovulated, I am not off in my days. She said I had a lot of cysts, and free fluid (due to being hyperstimmed), but still nothing in or out of the uterus. So, I stayed and waited. Meanwhile after not having much pain all day, it became excruciating that night and always on my left side. I was so scared it was ectopic and my tube was going to burst. The pain eventually subsided again.

The lady doctor came back Wednesday morning and said they were going to run another BETA and based on that make a determination. This was 7am. BETA drawn shortly after. And I waited and waited and waited. Meanwhile, I am not bleeding heavy, just mostly spotting. Only feeling pain if I move a certain way or when I get up to go to the bathroom. Hubby comes to see me and finally at 3pm the doctor comes back. She says that she just spoke to my RE (YAY!!) and since nothing is found on the u/s I have already passed the baby. My BETA is 3500. I am having a natural m/c. And to follow up w/ my RE in 2 weeks to have my levels checked. We are not sure yet why I m/c again. I think it’s stress related. I can’t seem to keep calm, work issues, home issues w/ my step son, and the whole OMG I am going to lose this baby and checking the TP every time I go to the bathroom thing. And there’s the progesterone issue.

Hubby and I decided we are going to take a break. 2 m/c within 5 mos is too much for us. We have waited 10 years, what’s a few more months…right? When I see the RE in a few weeks I am going to discuss going on BCP b/c I don’t want another 21 day bleeding episode. I am going to take advantage of the gym my job has opened and try to lose some weight too. After the New Year when my heart and body are healed, we will try again.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and love.

5w6d

Will I ever make it to an u/s where I can see a bean???

Started bleeding red yesterday, DH wanted to see if it would stop like my other spottings did. Well, it's not heavier, but it's not stopping either. I am going to the ER so they can tell me what I already know...I am a baby killer.

Why does this keep happening? How can you be above 40 on progesterone and a mere 5 days later shoot down to 9.6??? I just don't get it. I was foolish enough to think this was the one ...shit my beta was 442!!!!!! We were worried about multiples...now....worried if we have one survivor in there. Doubt it.

I am lost.

5w2d

Thank you all for your kind words.

I was supposed to go in today, but b/c of what happened on Tuesday I went then. Now have to wait until next Thursday. I hope I make it that far.

No spotting and no cramping to report. Seriously can't find anything to eat that won't make me gag.

This site says that P4 in the first trimester could range from 9-47.

Progesterone levels also can have quite a variance at this stage of pregnancy. They can range from 9-47ng/ml in the first trimester, with an average of 12-20ng/ml in the first 5-6 weeks of pregnancy.

With both hCG levels and progesterone levels, it is not the single value that can predict a healthy pregnancy outcome. It is more important to evaluate two different values to see if the numbers are increasing. Levels of hCG should be increasing by at least 60 % every 2-3 days, but ideally doubling every 48-72 hours. Progesterone levels rise much differently than hCG levels, with an average of 1-3ng/ml every couple days until they reach their peak for that trimester. In situations when there is a concern of an ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage, hCG levels will often start out normal, but will not show a significant increase or will stop rising all together, and progesterone levels will be low from the beginning.

I know...I am looking for any and all hope that when I go back my baby or babies will be ok.

5w1d

I had a scare yesterday at 5w. I woke up to pink spotting. It lasted from 5am to about 8am. I went in to see the RE and had b/w and u/s. Lining is still thick, 13mm, which he says is good, but still nothing on the u/s to see. Bad news is my P4 dropped from greater than 40 to 9.6. My Beta is 1200 which it should be around 1600 if doubling every other day. I just don’t know what to do. I have not had anymore spotting and am now taking 200mg of prometrium twice a day. I can’t do this again. The doubling time is 3.5 days.

I have been put on 100% pelvic rest. And must keep my feet up when I am home and at work no lifting or walking if I don’t have to.

16dpo ~ Beta Results

I waited all day for their call!!! They normally call after 3pm EST. I called them at 3:45pm and said...listen I know we are supposed to be patient and wait but I am at the edge of my seat here. The receptionist said that the nurses were discussing todays cases with the doctor and should start making calls soon.

So...drumroll please...BETA is



442!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


progesterone greater than 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14dpiui - Official Test Day

It's still a BFP!!!



The one on the bottom is from today.

13dpiui

Here is my play by play of the weekend…

On Friday aka 10dpiui I took a $store test in the AM, the line was only one sided and I don’t know if it appeared in time, b/c I went to sleep. On Saturday 1:45am I took another $store test and this time the line filled the entire space, but it was barely there. It appeared w/in 10 minutes, but I had to turn certain lights on hold it at a certain angel and open the cartridge. At 1:50pm Saturday, I took another test, this time you could see the line…still very faint, but didn’t have to strain as much as with the first one. I told DH I needed to go by some real test before I drive myself nuts. So, with my $2 internet coupon and $3.50 CVS extra bucks, I got 2 FRER test. I went to the bathroom in the 1am hour of Sunday aka 12dpiui and there was some pink spotting. I wanted to die. I came out of the bathroom and said to DH, it’s over before it even begins. He just said huh, I said never mind and tried to go to sleep. Of course, I had my moments of OMG it’s implantation spotting, but when I look at other charts it usually happens at 8-9dpo. At 5 am I went to the bathroom w/ my FRER, peed in a cup, but before dipping the stick, I checked the TP and there was nothing there …PHEW!!! So, I got a very noticeable second line, not as dark as the control line, but visible enough that I did not have to hold it a certain angle or under a certain light and it showed up w/in the time frame. Throughout the day I was freaking and praying that I would not get any more spotting. I didn’t get any pink on the TP, but my CM looked yellowish, I have never seen that before. I am so scared I will go to the bathroom and see pink. I did not test this morning. I have one more test and I am saving it for tomorrow morning aka 14dpiui.

Part of me wants to be excited, but part of me is so scared. I don’t have any symptoms. My boobs don’t hurt except for the occasional tenderness of the nipple. I have been sick as a dog with a cold all weekend. And then there are the WHAT IFs. The biggest one being…what if it’s still the HCG Booster….and the second biggest…what if there is no second line tomorrow.

I am going nuts here!!!!

I will post a pic of the test when a buddy from work gets in w/ their camera
phone.

Sorry it's so blurry it's the best we got.

8DPIUI aka 2DP2500IU of HCG

So, DH didn't want me to buy test, b/c the RE said to wait 8 more days. Well, while in the $store the other day I said I was going to buy some so that I could see when the HCG booster left. DH was totally against it. So what does a POAS addict do to get her fix. She tells DH after work yesterday to take her to the $store. So he goes to find a parking and I say why are you parking you don't have to come in. LOL He was happy enough so he just waited curbside. I went in and bought 5 test and hurried and put them in the back seat.

What happens when you POAS with a $store cheapie @ 8DPIUI aka 2DP2500IU of HCG, you ask?!!? You get the faintest of faint lines. That's good right...that means it is leaving. PHEW!!! Now for the scary part, what if ...you know...what if...that second line....doesn't show back up???!!!??? I am so scared.

On the boob front, still got some soreness, not as much as the past two days. The extra soreness could have been b/c of the booster shot.

My next test, will I get a 'Period Pimple' tomorrow. During June and July's 2ww, I got a pimple at 9DPO.

QUESTION~A Beta HCG is measured in mIU/ml and the HCG shot is measured in IU. So how many mIUs are in an IU?? Would 2500IU = 25mIU??

7DPIUI ~ 1 Down 1 To Go

I felt awful last week, the bloatedness, heaviness, achyness, did not go away until Sunday. But now that I had my 2500IU booster of HCG yesterday, it is back. Not as bad as when it started, but it's noticable.

I had an u/s and I have some fluid by the Left Ovary. They are not as big as they were when I was about to O. Had b/w done as well, and my P4 was 25.9. My P4 when I got a +Beta was only 11.9, so I hope I hope I hope.

For the last few days I have been having cervix aches if there is such a thing. All I know is that I have become very aware of my cervix and that has only happened once before, but I refuse to say when. >wink<

I must say I was frightened to wake up this morning. During my 2ww in June and July, my boobs stopped being sore around 7/8DPO. So far so good. PHEW!!!

Signs All Around Us

Ok has anyone watched Final Destination? Well, if you have you now it's all about following the signs.

Here are mine:

April cycle(BFP m/c) ~ call about LH surge 4/21, IUIs 4/22 and 4/23.
Sept cycle ~ call about LH surge 9/22, IUI 9/23
***Both months have 30 days in them.

April cycle ~ U/S after first IUI preformed by Mary.
Sept cycle ~ U/S after IUI preformed by Mary.
***These are the only two times I have EVER seen Mary!

April cycle ~ Tested on 5/7/08
Sept cycle ~ Testing on 10/7/08

April cycle ~ Started a pain in the arse project at work.
Sept cycle ~ Started Part 2 of this same project at work.



I know I know I know I am reading to far into this....I know it.

2DPIUI ~ I can float!

I feel so bloated I think I would float on my own like a bouy. Tender, achy, sore. More noticable when I walk and move in bed.

Called my Nurse b/c I read (and also got confirmation from a former patient of my clinic) that the booster HCG shot can worsen OHSS. She said to keep my appointment and they will do an u/s and based on that and how I am feeling determine if I get the booster or oral progesterone. I asked if I get a P4, she said yes, P4, E2 and Beta!!! I didn't think to ask, but I guess the beta is to see how much of the first HCG shot is left in my system. LOL I was just excited at the word Beta!

Give me Space(s)

Why doesn't blogger want to add the spaces between paragraphs??

CD 14 ~ It's raining...spermies!!!

My CD13 levels:

E2 ~ >2000

P4 ~ 1.56

LH ~ 38.9

My Final Follie Count:

Right ~ 23mm, 22mm, (2)15mm, (2)16mm, 12mm

Left ~ 25mm, 17mm, 15mm, (2)14mm, (2) 13mm, 12mm

IUI stats:

Pre-wash ~ 48 million, 35%

Post-wash ~ 58 million, 45%.

I was given the option to go back and do another IUI today, but I opted for BDing in the AM on and again on Thursday to have my bases covered.

I go back Monday for the booster shot of HCG. I asked if the booster is in place of progesterone and he said yes. I am at risk for OHSS. Was told to drink loads of Gatorade and eat soup. Salty stuffs. I can tell you shortly after the procedure I started to feel bloated! I am tender, not from the IUI, in the abdomen. I have to walk slow so it doesn't bother me. I started feeling things going on in my ovaries yesterday morning.

And guess what, this is the earliest I have ever O'd. I hope, I hope, I hope.

So, like, um...I AM SURGING!!!!!!!!!

How??? OMG!!!!!!!!!

The nurse just called and said my E2 is over 2000. They are mature and I am ready. OMG am I ready?? So I have to take 2 of the 4 cc's of HCG as soon as I get home. IUI is set up for 1pm tomorrow.

Thought, prayers, and dust.... please?!?!?

CD13 Yowsa!!!!

My levels from CD8:

E2 ~ 180
P4 ~ .43
LH ~ 5.57

My Follie Count for CD 13:

Lining: 11.7

Right ~ 13mm, 12mm, 12mm
Left ~ 14mm, 14mm, 13mm, 12mm, 10mm, 10mm, 9mm

Where the hell did they all come from????

So the plan is to do 2 more days of 150IU of Follistim. Go back on Wednesday, trigger either Wednesday night or Thursday night and one IUI on either Friday or Saturday w/ some BDing thrown in there.

I got the selective reduction talk. He said he ideally would not like for me to carry more than twins. I am a fluffy gal, I know I could not manage more than twins. I know it's such a difficult decision to make. I am personally on the fence. I would not like to harm my babies in anyway by trying to carry too many, nor would I want to basically abort any of them. I don't mean to offend anyone with that last statement, I know it's got to be the most painful decision to make and I hope to God I never have to make it.

Is it too early to be getting uber excited? I hope not, b/c I am STOKED!!!!!!

CD8 - Things-a-Brewin'

Had my RE appointment today. I have a 7.2mm lining. I don't get it, on CD3 prior to the heavy bleeding and clotting, my lining was 7.8mm, how could it have only gone down .6mm after what I just experienced??

I have 3 follies on the Right side that are being watched - 11mm, 9mm and 8mm and 2 follies on my Left side that are being watched - 7mmX2. I have an 18mm follie with irregular borders that was there on CD 3 as well. We are ignoring that one. Funny thing, I Usually O from my Left side and it seems Righty is doing pretty good this time around. The last time Righty had a follie I got a BFP.

So, I will be doing 150iu of Follistim for 5 more days and I go back on Monday w/ my HCG shot. Now, this could all change based on the B/W. So, we'll see.

I also took a peep at my CD3 blood work…

E2 - 37.0

P4 - .2

FSH - 5.3

LH - 4.8

What do you think??

I looked it up here FertilityPlus.

CD3 E2 levels should be between 25-75 - Levels on the lower end tend to be better for stimulating. Abnormally high levels on day 3 may indicate existence of a functional cyst or diminished ovarian reserve.

CD3 P4 levels should be <1.5>Often called the follicular phase level. An elevated level may indicate a lower pregnancy rate.

CD3 FSH levels should be between 3-20 - FSH is often used as a gauge of ovarian reserve. In general, under 6 is excellent, 6-9 is good, 9-10 fair, 10-13 diminished reserve, 13+ very hard to stimulate. In PCOS testing, the LH:FSH ratio may be used in the diagnosis. The ratio is usually close to 1:1, but if the LH is higher, it is one possible indication of PCOS.

CD3 LH levels should be <7>A normal LH level is similar to FSH. An LH that is higher than FSH is one indication of PCOS.

I think I am doing good..huh?? So why no baby yet!!!!

I called the pharmacy this is the price quote I got for Follistim:

300iu $382.80

600iu $765.60

900iu $1148.40

I was given a 300iu and 600iu in the beginning by my RE, and now I was just given 2 - 300iu. $1914 worth of meds. I can't afford that each month. Dam this better work.

CD7 - Great things come in small packages.

HCG was delivered 10:30am to DH's Aunties house. I am so happy that is out of the way.

Well AF has decided she is going to stick around, but she is not going to be pushy. Tell me why I had wet clear cm and AF on my TP this morning. UGH!!!! I don't get it.

Oh, I drew blood last night. Yup. My first time since starting the injections. I freaked out and then I thought I was seeing a bump at the injection site and all I could think of was that the medicine is in the bump and it's not going where it needs to.

Something is brewing in there people. I am feeling it on both sides. Please let tomorrow show me great news.

CD4-6

The following may be too graphic for most. I am documenting it as a reminder of the next time someone wants to RX provera for me!

Picture it 4 am Saturday morning, you wake up startled. You go to move in the bed and you feel...a GUSH...OMG what's going on?!? Run to the bathroom half a sleep, no glasses trying not to gush on the way. All hell breaks loose in my undies. Wash, rinse repeat almost every hour for the entire weekend. If I left my house it was for a very shot period of time. Gravity is not my friend. I was hoping it would go away before work on Monday. Not entirely. Not as bad, but not entirely gone.

I have given myself 2 shots so far. It does not hurt. DH is a punk lol and can't give me the shot, so I have been doing it myself...his part...he pinches my skin.

I was having a bad time finding the HCG shot. I have been calling around since Friday....this is what I get...

CVS (my regular pharmacy) ~ Wants $105 for the generic and they would have to order it from the warehouse.

Walmart ~ Wants $65.88 for generic and I would have to order by 7pm on Friday to get it on Tuesday.

Walgreens ~ Wants $61.99 for the generic and I have to order by 5pm on Monday to get it next day. A second call (after what I learned at RiteAid) to Walgreen's shows that the warehouse they use does not have HCG in stock at the mo'.

RiteAid PKA Eckerd ~ Wants $56.19 for generic and if they ordered it Friday night I would get it Saturday. I went straight to RiteAid, first they acted like the didn't know what I was talking about or that I even called them. They called the warehouse and dun dun dun ...they don't have any in stock.

I called Freedom Pharmacy this morning....they want $38.40 including the needles and syringes and free overnight delivery. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo freaking HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo!! I called my RE and they are faxing the Script over.

What a relief.


*Update* My HCG will arrive tomorrow via FEDEX!!!! I am so freaking excited.

CD3 Baselines are loaded!!

Today was my appointment with the RE. When I arrived I had my blood drawn and then my ultrasound. My lining is now 7.8mm where it was 11.7mm on Sept 9th. This is good. I am glad it has gone down…not way down but down. But I am still AFing so, I am sure it will go down some more. We were then called in to speak to the RE. I am going to take 200mg of clomid CD 3-7 AND 150UI of Follistim CD 3-7. I also received an RX for HCG. I had a teaching session w/ the Nurse. The needle is very very thin and did not hurt. I will be injecting my thigh instead of my belly. I am nervous as all heck. Shoot I did not think he would start me on 150IU of Follistim, is he trying to get me pregnant or something. LOL

What a nightmare!

Last night AF seemed to dwindle down to nothing, nada, zilch...this scared me. I thought that it was starting all over w/ the come and go from last cycle. I was also scared that I jumped the gun and yesterday was not really CD1 making tomorrow not really CD3.

I had a nightmare. My lining was not right and my RE kept telling me that we could not do anything this cycle. I begged for Fem*ara or just Clo*mid...anything. He kept saying no. I was so devastated.

I woke up and AF was back on! YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

CD 1- ONE - WON - UNO

YESSSSSSS!!!! Honestly after 20 or so days of bleeding I didn't think I would be so happy to have AF again. I think that break was harder than it was supposed to be. So called the RE, my appointment is on Friday for CD3 b/w and u/s. This is my one shot deal w/ the injectibles. Anyone know if my lining is too thick what will happen??

The plan is Clomid w/ the injectibles, don't know how much and when yet. Is it Friday yet?

CD 28 - See Spot Run, See Spot Hide

Last night was my last provera pill. Shortly after I had to make a pit stop. *TMI ALERT* Whilst in the loo I noticed a tinging of pink on my TP. I actually said to myself wow! wow! WOW! Ok, deep breath, butterflies, WOW!! SIGH.

I was not expecting it this soon. I dunno if I am shooked at it's promptness, excited at the prospect of a new cycle and a new opportunity, or nervous and scared of bleeding again for 20 days.

This morning I had nothing. But a few hours ago it was back and as of the last pit stop it seems to be getting heavier. Still not a light flow...more of a spotting, but getting there. OMG!!!!!!! I am going to do injectibles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CD27 - The Finale PROVERA

Today will be my last provera. Can't wait to see how long AF will take to get here. Come on girlfriend I am ready for the needles!!

WombForImprovement said...

But you've only just finished your last period! Maybe this
one will be lighter because your womb lining hasn't had as long to develop. God,
a year ago I wouldn't have had a clue about all this.

I took the provera initially to stop the abnormal uterine bleeding (AUB). But the normal side effect for the provera is to cause you to shed your lining. My lining was 11.7 upon last measure and that was AFTER bleeding for 20 some odd days, so no thin lining here. My doctor really didn't consider the entire 20 days AF, and referred to it as AUB.

So I am thinking w/ the thickness of my lining I am in for it when AF gets here. I just hope that it's my normal 7 days and not triple that. Once she is here I call to set up my baseline appointment. Hopefully all will be well and I can start clo*mid and foll*istim.

CD22 ~ The End is near...

Thank you for your good wishes.

So, I got THE call. Well actually I called them at 4pm b/c they did not call yet and the nurses were still discussing blood work with the doctor. I leave work at 4:15, told DH to race home so I can see if there is a VM. There was. The nurse said the doctor said to go ahead and start on the Provera. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISS!!!!!

So I debated all night long... to take the provera or not to take the provera. What if there is a chance I may still O?? I would have missed it last cycle had I listened to the nurse and went home to wait for AF. What if I don't O and I make the wait to start a new cycle even longer. The deciding factor?!? After no spotting or anything all day lone, I went to the bathroom after watching the new 90210(which was not as bad as I thought it would be) and I seen Red. Told DH to come on we are going to CVS and I got my RX and took my first pill last night.

7 days...last time I had to take Provera, it was for 10 days...10mg...and the most horrid, retched, AF I ever had in my life. I am scared of what kind of AF I am going to have when it comes. DH said he will put a shower curtain under me LOL...men!

So, here we go again w/ this yo-yo cycle...it's still a break one and I put my BBT back in the draw.

CD21 - Break cycle turned natural cycle

Today was my follow up RE appointment. Had my blood taken by my not usual nurse who kinda hurts, and then went to get my ultrasound. My 16mm (on Friday) follie is now at 15mm, oddly shaped and has liquid around it. The tech said I am in process of O'ing. She was very happy. My lining was 10mm on Friday and is now 11.7mm, it’s thick, but the bleeding is just spotting now. They then asked if I completed my homework that was assigned to me (relations with DH on Monday), of course I did on Friday, Sunday AND Monday!~! So they next did a PCT (post coital test). We waited to be called back to speak to the RE. What he said is that 1 of 2 things can be happening. 1- I am ovulating on my own which is great or 2- it’s a fake out…a follicle that is empty. The nurse will call me with the results of my blood work. If #1 is true than we had good timing with our relations and the doctor said my PCT was good (last time I had dead spermies). If #2 is true, he gave me a prescription for provera to shed the lining. Once I shed that lining, we will start with clomid and follistim. I asked what could explain the bleeding, he said hormone imbalance. I asked if the ovulation that I may be doing is a residual effect from the oral meds I have been taking, he said no, that my body is most likely metabolizing correctly due to the Fortamet.

CD17 - Visit with the RE

I had an U/S today. My lining is 10mm which means I will still keep bleeding. My ovaries were looked at. My right ovary is quiet. My left ovary has a 16mm follie on it. WTF!!! I then had my blood taken. If I don't get a call I am to have sex on Monday and go back on Tuesday for a looksee at my follie.

So, what are my chances of this follie actually ovulating while I am still bleeding? And there is no chance of implantation b/c I am shedding correct??

I am torn between anger for the bleeding and joy from the follie.

CD15 - AF just won't go away.

Going to see the RE on Friday. Not my RE b/c he's on vaca...but an RE. 15 days and still bleeding this is not normal for me. In all my abnormal AF history w/ PCOS this has NEVER happened to me. A week, 8 days...but 15 is just too much. And it's evil ...it comes and goes. Monday night it was almost gone but I woke up yesterday full of blood. It went away during the morning but came back in the afternoon...by bed time it was almost gone and there was barely nothing there this morning...but it just came back again about two hours ago TMI (lining and all). I'm scared....I am wondering if it's endo and all kinds of things.

CD10 of Break cycle....

Here I am 10 days into my cycle and I STILL have AF. Am I serious, you ask? Yes, I am. I am quite tired of it!!



I called the nurse this morning, she looked at my file and my lining was 3-4mm thicker than normal, I figured my lining was thick and that I would have a very heavy AF. Not a medium at time heavy AF lasting this long....my normal 7 days is enough. I was told if it doesn't let up by Monday or Tuesday, to call so I can been seen for B/W and U/S. I am on a break people, I did not want to step near the office while I was on a break. Please AF I am begging, GO AWAY!!!



Other than that, not much going on. I have jury duty on Monday, which I really don't want to go to. I served 3 years ago. I would rather be at work.



School will be starting soon. DSS will be in the 11th grade. Am getting old...so is his dad!! He already towers us (got that from his mom's side).



Ferrets are doing great. Work stinks like always, but yes, I would rather be at work than Jury Duty. Been listening to some really old music called Freestyle, and it's bringing back my child hood lol.



Almost time to go home. Can't wait.

Oh, good news. My job has opened a gym. It will be ready in September. I am joining. I am very excited. I also am trying to get back on my diet. Have not had any big slip ups all week. My job also sent a survey to see if we want a nutritionist. How awesome!!! I can not wait.

>sigh<

So, I have been spotting since yesterday. My temps dropped and those super sore boobs are no more. I did not test. I could not bring myself to the disappointment. I need a break for my sanity. So all I will be doing is temping. No meds, no OPKs, and just having fun sex not BDing. When I am ready, I will be going back to the RE to start the donated Follistim. I am sorry I have not visited anyone's blogs recently. I am just a lil down and on the weekends I only have my crappy lappy so I can't access blogspot from it...>shrugs<

I cried a lot yesterday and fought with my inner self, but I think a break is needed. I have pushed my body so hard to O the last 3 cycles...double meds, longer and higher doses than norm. I am going to try to get back on my diet wagon b/c since the m/c i have been eating like a hog and I totally know it's all emotional eating nothing more nothing less.

Unfortunately, I am a one trick horse. My life is dull, all I do is go to work and come home. So IF is all I can blog about. If you don't see me it's b/c I dunno what else to write about.

Secrets...and stuffs

I am nosey. Very nosey. Well...maybe more curious to see how other people live and react more than nosey.... I think that's why I like reading blogs so much. It's like reading peoples diaries.

Have you seen this...

PostSecret

I feel like I secretly know millions of peoples secrets. It's great.


Have you seen this too....





Mighty Optical Illusions

Awesome!!! I love this stuff.

Tag!!! I'm it!!!

I was tagged by Turia.

Rules: Answer each question with one word and tag four others to play.

1. Where is your cell phone? home
2. Your significant other? Amor!
3. Your hair? long
4. Your mother? missed
5. Your father? MIA
6. Your favorite thing? internet
7. Your dream last night? forgot
8. Your favorite drink? water
9. Your dream/goal? $
10. The room you’re in? cubicle
11. Your hobby? TV
12. Your fear? death
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? mom
14. What you’re not? outgoing
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? Denali
17. Where you grew up? Belleville
18. The last thing you did? reply
19. What are you wearing? clothes
20. Favorite Gadget? anything
21. Your pet? ferrets
22. Your computer? crappy
23. Your mood? ehhh
24. Missing someone? mom
25. Your car? SPIKE
26. Something you are not wearing? belt
27. Favorite Store? dollar
28. Like someone? Sheah!!
29. Your favorite colour? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? morning
31. Last time you cried? morning

I am tagging Hela, Nadiya, Jenni, and a new comer to the Blogosphere The Big "IF".

Last night J, my Cyster, had her baby boy..J. He was born 8lbs 1oz and 20 in. Congrats to J and N on your new arrival.

Please pray for my other Cyster, Julie. She was admitted into the hospital yesterday @ 34w2d for monitoring of possible pre-eclampsia. We are all hoping to hear from here soon.

TV, oh and I am now in the 1ww!!!

If you knew me IRL, you would tell me I watch entirely too much TV. My life revolves around 8pm!! I am in mourning b/c my DVR broke this weekend and we are supposed to get a new one today...well they tried to deliver it yesterday, but DH was not home. All of my previously recorded items have been deleted….music videos, hours of X-Files, hours of an NCIS marathon, and most recently recorded practically all last season of Eureka and the season premier!! A few movies I recorded from Sci-Fi, and all my reminders. M is non-too happy as all his WWE reminders are now null and void!! He missed Saturday's Main Event b/c of it.

Tonight I get to indulge in SYTYCD--So You Think You Can Dance, which will be over soon. Then what?? It's summer time and all my delicious TV watching is on hold until September. BOOO!!!

What I can't wait to start in the Fall:

PrisonBreak(FOX-Sept 1st) ~ OMG!!!! I am in love. I have not missed an eppie since it started. Wentworth, you are hot!!!!

Bones(FOX-Sept 3rd) ~ I wonder if Bones and Booth got together would the show go kaput?? They have great chemistry.

Fringe(FOX-Sept 9th) ~ New show…commercials make it seem interesting …but we all know how that can pan out.

House(FOX-Sept 16th) ~ OMG is there a doctor in the house…b/c he is more of a psycho than a doctor…but I still love him.

L&O:SVU(NBC-Sept 23rd) ~ Now don’t get me wrong there was a time when I used to be highly addicted all things L&O. But in recent years the other two have
just …slipped away.

Lipstick Jungle(NBC-Sept 24th) ~ Fairly new show …just started last season. I am willing to keep giving it a try…after all Brooke Sheilds is in it.

Grey's Anatomy(ABC-Sept 25th) ~ Come on already!!!! They are driving me nuts together, broken up, together, broken up, rinse and repeat.

Desperate Housewives(ABC-Sept 28th) ~ Do I want to be just like them…NO. Do I enjoying watching them….YES!!!!!

Dirty Sexy Money(ABC-Oct 1st) ~ I guess I didn’t have anything else to fill the slot and it just grew on me.

Private Practice(ABC-Oct 1st) ~ I am so hoping this show picks up. I think Addison is great, but hope she didn’t mess things up by going solo.

Cold Case(CBS-Sundays) ~ Is this coming back for a new season?? I guess CBS just doesn’t post the premier dates LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!

CSI: Miami(CBS-Mondays) ~ I only used to watch CSI, barely watched CSI:NY and NEVER watched CSI: Miami…until one day I fell in love with a red head, there’s no turning back.

NCIS(NBC-Tuesdays) ~ Abby is one of my favorite characters on TV. I did not see the last season b/c other things were on TV, but w/ my trusty DVR I won’t miss an eppie now.

Without A Trace(NBC-Tuesdays) ~ Have watched this show since it started. I miss a few seasons or half seasons but I catch up on reruns.

Cablewise…I am looking forward to Nip/Tuck(FX-Sundays) and Dexter(SHO-Sept 28th). Which means I will have to change my package at home since I do not have premium channels!! lol

So... I am 8DPO -- officially 1 week down, 1 week to go. Am I hopeful...yea sometimes like when my boobs really hurt. Am I devestated...yea sometimes like when my boobs don't seem to hurt as much as 5 minutes ago.

Check it out...

So I wondered over to Blogher and stubbled across The Day the World Stopped. What do you think? Do you think she did or didn't?? I know I am prone to think of ART when I see twins and multiples.

J, a close Cyster, is having her first baby today!!! WOOO!! She is in labor right now and we are all excited for her lil ninja to join us.

CD31 - 6DPO Owies!!!

That's all I can say at the mo'. My boobs are hurting me so much. They hurt when I breath in, they hurt if I cough, if I sneeze. But no no no way will I think more of this than I need to. Right?? During my April cycle...my boobs hurt as well...the nips were as effected as the over all boob ...during my June cycle just my nips were a tad sensative if touched...but OMG!!! I am in pain here folks. I told DH I may not need that boob job after all...SWOLLEN!!!!!

OK, so 6DPO this week will not go fast enough if you ask me. But I am hoping it does.

So anyone else out there in the 2WW with me?? How are you feeling??


ETA: I actually had 4 days of +++OPKs then a negative. SHEESH. Is that normal? First + was equal to the Test line, the next two were blazing and darker and the fourth was equal. The one on Saturday went back to be light.

Finally...

Not much going on. DH is still ill...he vomited last night ...just when I thought things had passed lol bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. Poor guy.


3DPO and 11 more to go...will I make it??

Ps. Yes, I do have PCOS, just not high LH. While I do always have a second line it does not become +++ until I actually O...I just never kept OPKing after a few days before ...So now I am just doing it to see how long it last. lol

ETA: I usually stop OPKing after my u/s after the IUI confirms no more follie. So no point in POAS if I know my egg released.

Mission - Seduce M : Failed

Well....M seemed fine when I got home from work. I thought YAY!!! BDing for me tonight. Boy was I wrong. I went to wash some dishes later on and when I went back to the bedroom he was sleeping. UGHHHHHHH!!! Can we say FRUSTRATION!

So, I am still in the 2ww and 2DPO if we go by my temps, but my OPK is still +++. Thank you body, thank you for being so confusing.



The other day I mentioned how I was reading a blog starting from the beginning. The blog I have been reading is A Little Pregnant. Her story is amazing and although she may feel like she is not strong going through all she has, I want her and everyone else to know how brave and strong she really is. I am getting close to the end. I reading the end of 2007. I can't wait to see what she is up to now. I refuse to read any post she makes until I am caught up. I don't want to spoil her story. She is an excellent writer and I told M she should be writing a book.

The first few blogs I found, the author's no longer post which upset me. I don't like to be left hanging, but I know things happen and sometimes you just can't keep updating.

I never realized how addicting this blog stuffs can be.

IUI: Mission Aborted

M woke w/ a headache and stomach ache. No IUI for me. We did BD last night and hopefully he will be up to it tonight.

Thank you ladies for all your warm wishes.

I feel so guilty for thinking the way I am. One minute I feel bad that he is sick and the other minute I am wanting to cry b/c there was no IUI. Now, we only do IUI b/c my PCT showed dead swimmers not b/c DH has any issues or anything like that. I hope the pre.seed was enough. I am sad, but I will get over it.

>sigh<

YESSSSSSSSS!!!

Tomorrow morning @ 10am I will be doing an IUI.

I hope it's not too late. Should I BD when I get home from work ...just in case?? M has no spermy issues.

Why....

Why must my body deceive me?? I am 110% sure I am surging. The SMU OPK is a blazing +++!!! I won't be able to make it until 3pm tomorrow and that is too late in the day. I am frantically thinking of how I can get there tomorrow earlier. UGH!!! Why body why must you deceive me ...first you make the doctors think we have a busted cycle b/c you don't want to grow and then as soon as we leave what do you do??? YOU GROW!!!!

CD 25 Confuzzeled

Ok, so my body lied to me. You know how I know...I got a darker OPK this morning. It was as almost as dark as the control line and I compared it to my April cycle (b/c I used to same brand then) and it looks just like my CD21 which means tomorrow's should be darker yet, as I got a blazing +++ on CD22 of that cycle. I usually get +++ for about 2 days. I won't call the RE until I am 100% sure this is a positive and not a fluke. So you know what that means....POAS all day long!!!! And try the natural way. Although, due to CM issues, I don't think that will do us much good, but I do have one bottle of Pre.Seed left so hopefully that will do the trick.

On another front. I just need to say what an amazing resource Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters blog is. So many times I Goo.gled IF related stuffs and I always ended up at her site. Not only does she have a list of just about every IF Diagnosis, treatment, and medication, but she also has a directory of just about every IF Blog out there ~ for every possible situation. The owner of this blog has other blogs and yesterday I came across the Lost and Found and Connections Abound blog, thanks to directions from those who have left me comments. It's great. It's like a little summary of the happenings, who's got a Bday, anniversary, who is cycling, getting scans, in the 2ww...ect. It's wonderful and if you have not been there, I strongly suggest checking it out.

I have ferrets. Have I told you guys that? 5 of them to be exact. I am head over heals in love with them.

Here take a look:


From L to R we have Sonic aka Monkey (he climbs on everything), Mimzy (our only girl) and Crash (he bumps into everything).


This is Yonk-Yonk pka Bianca until we found out SHE was a HE.


Our newest edition to family is Yoshi he is the one curled upside down.

These are my babies. I can not tell you how much I love them. How watching them run around and play not only lights up my life but that of M and J.

CD 24 O.o

Howdy folks!!! If you ask me, I O'd on Saturday. But I am bias...sooooo. Tender breast. Check. Ovulation pain. Check. Temp rise. Check. Preseed. Check. BDing. Check. Now let's see how long the rise last. If it plummets tomorrow everything I am feeling is in my imagination. And I will be bummed.

Now I need to know folks...if someone posts a comment and I want to respond do I do it w/ another comment or in my next post?? What is proper Blog Etiquette (B/E)?!?

DH (we'll call him M) and I had a relaxing weekend of TV. WOOO!!!! No one called. No one came over. No one interrupted. DSS (we'll call him J) was out spending his summer paycheck with his girlfriend. AAHHHH Relaxing. And while M watched countless hours of Sharks...(I believe it's shark week on some channel or another), I read and read and read the back story on a blog. See this is where B/E comes into play. Do I tell you which blog I was reading?? Do I not?? Is it ok??? Do I need permission from the author to list her blog??

What is L & F?? I gather it means Lost and Found?!?!??

Some have commented on the Article I posted. I am not saying it's wrong or right. I am saying if she's 70 and I am 30 ...I CAN DO IT!!!

My supervisor is on vacation all week. What a relaxing work week we will all have!!! And I can spend my time reading blogs! SHHHH!

Um..yeah...

Ok, us IFers know Louise Brown was the first IVF baby. But did you all see this...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25837220/

CD eHHH Who Cares....

Thank you to all the commenters. I appreciate your words of encouragement and have added you all to my Goo*gle Reader. I hope to read your stories from the beginning.

So I did a Goo*gle search on Clo*mid Resist*ance and....came out with ....Dexa*methasome in use w/ Clo*mid Resist*ance.

A few links if you will...

IngentaConnect Infertility. Low-dose dexameth...

Investigation On The Effects Of Bromocriptine...

Adjunctive use of dexamethasome in Clomid res...

Clomiphene citrate and dexamethazone in treat...

So, I called my REs office to speak to the nice Nurse I saw yesterday. Of course she is the only one in the office today, so I will try back later in the afternoon.

You see, I can't afford injectibles. And although I work for the insurance company, the HMO plan I have does not cover IVF and injectibles. So it's oral meds and then the 900iu of donated Folli*stim and then I'm SOL! So, if I can convince them to try a round of the Clo*mid and DEX, that buys me another month w/o those lovely injectibles. I may even beg for a higher dos of Fem*ara at least once. Am I wasting my time?? Should I just hop on the injects wagon and hope for the best?? I would have no problem if I knew I would get more injects if it failed.

A lovely and thoughtful Cyster has a friend that may still have some left over Brav*elle, so I will also discuss that when I call the nurse back.

Eureka!! I found out how to get my prev temp back from my new thermometer. I just hold the button down and my current temp flashes and then the first ever temp flashes. I am so happy. I am thinking of temping...you know from down yonder next round...so please if you have any advise or experience do share.

I have decided to turn the A/C as low as I can stand in hopes that I will not have all these extremely low temps. Sheesh my chart looked like a set of stairs.

Will update late w/ the convo I have w/ the nurse.

PS. If you have tried DEX - do tell.

CD BUST aka CD 20

BUSTED!!! The word for this cycle. My follie is only 13mm (it should have been 20-21mm). My lining doubled from 6.6mm to 13mm. Is that why my AFs are so heavy and long?? The nurse told me to wait for AF and call for a CD2-4 scan to start injectibles. I have been fighting back tears since we left. But crying will not make it better. I asked her if I should even still do the OPKS…you know just in case…she said yes and if I get a surge to call for IUI. >sigh<

I will go put my head in an oven now....

This is for Jenni...my current chart. I am sorry, I don't know how to make your name a URL so people can link to it...nor do I know how to write chart and make the word chart my chart...lol...anyone know??? Never mind I did it ...I think...WOOOT!!!! Nope I tried it an my chart is only showing my ticker...hmmm...ok got it!!!!! YAY!!

CD 18

What is going on w/ my temps???? I don't get it ...they have been sloping downwards since the beginning of the cycle. Is it the A/C??? But I had the A/C on last cycle and this did not happen, I still had my roller coaster temps. I am so frustrated. I even bought a new thermometer and nothing same crap. And the new one doesn't even save the temp. It's supposed to but it's stuck on the very first temp I had. At least it beeps my other one didn't beep anymore. I don't know what to think anymore. Hurry up Thursday!!

CD 17

Nothing to report. Just trying to rush the week so I can see what my lovies are doing.

>sigh<

I learned how to subscribe to other blogs via google reader and bloglines. I hope atleast one of these works on my at home computer (read: crappy lappy). Unfortunately I can't even log on to blogger on that thing. I can't wait until I can get a new one!!!

The IF blogging world seems to be a very close knit family. I am just too shy to go up an introduce myself....

CD14 Grow Follies Grow!!!!

Stats:
R Ovary: Quiet...WTF this is not a library.
L Ovary: 9mm
Lining : 6.6mm

All in all not bad not good. I wanted to have multiple juicy follies, but I will settle w/ my one. Because...ONE IS BETTER THAN NONE. For 2 cycles I have had no follies on my initial scan and have had to do another round of meds. I will not have to move to injectibles just yet....woooot!! So I go back on Thursday CD 20 and hopefully (using the 1-2mm/day growing method) my follie will be about 20-21mm ...HOPEFULLY..

Well...it's back to work I go.

CD13

I fixed my charts. I just added the links instead. So CD13 today. Loads of O pain yesterday and today. I had what I thought to be O pains last month and well...there was nothing there. I just couldnt understand it. So I hope my body is not playing tricks on me again. Shoot w/ 7 days of 200mgs of Clomid SOMETHING better be going on in there!!!!

My life revolves around TTCing. It's all I think about Morning, Noon, and Night. I try to focus on other things, but it's virtually impossible. I know it's bad. I know I need another outlet. I just have yet to find it.

On another note tomorrow is my (well i guess it isn't another note b/c it's the same topic...TTCing) follie scan is tomorrow. HURRY and get here already.

I watched Jon and Kate plus 8 for the first time yesterday. I dunno what to think of them yet. There is just something about the both of them that gets me. When I know...you'll know.

So anything interesting out there in blogland....anyone even listening??

Um....Yuk!

If anyone can tell me how I can get my charts to not be half off the screen please do so.

TIA

AHH...yes, it does continue...The NOW

So, last I left off (hey i did tell you it was a long story didn't I), I was getting guts to go back to the doctor...ohhh right...

So, in December 2007, I reactivated my FF.com account, went on a treasure hunt for my BBT and ordered some Fertilaid. And got an at home SA kit. I have always kept track of my AF...nothing else...but AF and BDing was always written on my calendar.

So here is what my Fertilaid cycle looked like...

Yea, not much to see, I didn't want to start temping in the middle of my cycle so I was .

But did you see that patch of Creamy CM...OMG I remember that day. I thought to myself...THIS had never happened before and everyone in the 'Cyster' community told me to get to the BDing. And the spotting began. Why O Why...

**I interrupt this post for the following side note: When I started seeing an RE in 2006, DH was adament that he did not need a SA and that I was basically on my own in doing this b/c it would happen when it was meant to happen. At this point I felt helpless and just decided to at least do what I can on my end. After a rough 2007 in the marriage area, DH finally understood the importance of TTCing, AND his role. Needless to say, he is very much involved in it now. **

Ok, that's fine. AF showed up...it's the first month. Now I can temp and see what's going on. I am still waiting for my OB/GYN appointment at the end of the month so I can get my RX for Clomid and Met. So in the mean time....I tried a Soy cycle... but, I didn't know you could not take it with certain herbs that were in Fertiliad. Well after much tweaking I got some cross hairs. Yes, I am not only a chart stalker but a chart tweaker!! Oh, and I did get what looked like a postive OPK which also aided in my conclusion that some type of O happened.

As I had hoped for I got my RX from the OB/GYN so it could hold me over until my March appointment w/ the RE.

So I took my measley 50mgs during a clomid cycle knowing that it really wasn't going to do a gosh darn thing. Yea, there probably wasn't really an O in there but shoot I told you I was a tweaker.

I then heard about taking soy and clomid (on different days...). During this cycle I got to see the RE for my consult. I was on day 8 of AF bleeding so no u/s for me. I told him about my endlessing before AF spotting and he told me I could be Oing but weakly and the prometrium should help ward off the spotting. Now if it were for the prometrium, I would probably not see such a wonder O on this chart. But (someone at work just interrupted me and I lost my train of thought...) I remember now...3 hours later....since prometrium/progesterone causes your temp to rise, it's possible this O was faux. Oh, and I redid my 2 hour GTT and was going to my BP b/c I was now considered pre-diabetic ...my number was 10 points higher than the normal. And that was while taking 1000mg of Met.

Anywho...so the RE tells me to take 100mg of clomid and call for u/s ...I call and find out I will NOT be seeing Dr. Español...he is only for consults. I now have an appointment at another location. Not convient for me as the other was down the street from where I worked. So DH and I did a test run to this location to make sure we could get there on a Friday afternoon. Ok, not too bad. I went in on CD12 and everyone was wonderful. I was so excited. So I met the doctor and he said I did not have any follies yet and he was going to give me a second course of clomid 200mg from CD 12-16 and I was to go back on CD21 for u/s and bw. So I took em. And I felt O pains starting on the 4th day of the pill. When I went in on CD21 ...HOLY SMOKES!!!! 2 follies 24 and 26mm, one on each side BOTH my ovaries work!!!! OMG I can make eggies holy crap holy crap!! This was so exciting. I was called that afternoon and told my LH was 20.4 I was ready to O. I was scheduled for back to back IUIs on CD22 @ 1pm and 23 @ 10 am. ON CD 22 I got to see my follies had grown to 30 and 31mm. On CD23 u/s after the IUI showed that I no longer had follies. My eggies have been released!!.. Oh and DH had excellent numbers. So the dreaded 2ww began. My boobs started hurting the night of my second IUI. That's how I knew I truly did O. As prometrium/provera both cause my boobs to ache. I knew my natural progesterone rose. So, I ignored all the classic signs and symptoms. Sleepiness, frequent urination...loads of CM, heartburn from chewing pepermint gum. I was ready for this not to work...I tested at 10dpiui and got a BFN. I was devestated, but my 'Cysters' cheered me on and told me that it could have been early. So, I waited. I waited until 14dpiui and I tested on a digital using afternoon urine and.... Now, that's not my picture. My picture is too blurry. But you get my point.

10 years....10 long heart breaking years and I finally get the almighty BFP. I am not worthy!! I am not worthy!!! I could not believe it.

I called the REs and told them of my great news. But also, I have a concern my boobs don't hurt as much and she said not to worry as long as I wasnt spotting bright red and cramping I would be ok.

So went in for my BETA on 16dpiui and it was 39 w/ P4 of 11.9. OK, so maybe I implanted late. I also went on 100mg of prometrium b/c Dr. O didn't think I would need it after the IUIs he said clomid should fix the problems I was having...but being that I was one point under what they were looking for I asked for it anyway. Better to be safe than sorry....right?!?! We did another beta on 19dpiui and it more than doubled to 180 and P4 21!!! YES!!! Then on 20dpiui it started...the spotting...when it didn't go away I went to the ER on 21dpiui and my beta was now...66.85. I am losing my lil goya bean. How could this be? 23dpiui I went to the REs and my beta had only gone down to 59. I stopped taking the prometrium and the spotting stopped. On 26dpiui the cramping started...like contractions...why ...why would my body put me through labor pains when I was losing my baby. That is so CRUEL. 27dpiui the bleeding started. BFP chart.

29DPIUI AKA CD 3 my beta was 0. I was given the OK to start right away b/c all my levels were back to normal. Also being able to start right away aided in my healing...that was just me. I know some need to wait and get over it. But if I stayed idle I would have wallowed in self pity.

Round 2 w/ the RE.

I did 200mgs of Clomid CD 5-9 and on CD 17 I had no follies. So into the office for a talk. We are to try Femara (really bad hot flashes) 5mg for 7 days -- CD 17-23 and come back in a week. Which is CD24 ...one day after my last pill. So I went back a week later and still nothing really...some small follies he said. And agreed it could just be early. Come back in another week. Dr. O also mentioned that it may be time to go on injectibles as I am appearing to be clomid resistant. OMG! My insurance does not cover that. I can not afford hundreds of $$s in meds. I am SOL! Aww the sweet doc had some donated follistim and a pen. He gave me 900iu of Follistim and told me to hold it it is now mine. They are to also check their other office to see if they have more. (Yea I have been going back and forth between 3 different offices for this lovely Dr. O) So CD31 YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS 19mm follie on the right side...I was so elated. I can still make eggies I am not broken. Got my called that afternoon that my LH was 16.8. CD 32 I got a +++OPK and CD33 another...I had my IUI @ 7:30 am and the u/s afterwards showed my egg had relaeased. Doc said if it didn't work we would try clomid for 7 days and femara as a back up w/ some injections thrown in. WOOOOT!!! 2ww AGAIN. Being the POAS addict I am...I tested from 9dpiui until 14dpiui all BFNs. DISAPPOINTMENT. AF :::nasty witch::: showed up exactly on 14dpiui in the afternoon. Well, atleast we know I O'd. Even if I didn't catch that eggie. And I had a feeling I didn't...my boobs didn't hurt that time like they did the last. Maybe my progesterone didnt rise enough for support implantation. Clomid/Femara Chart.

So that leads me to today.

Round 3 w/ the RE

I called on CD3 to tell them that AF arrived and that I needed my clomid to be called in. And so the nurse called me back and said she will call in 200mg from CD3-9 and to come in on CD14. Well, CD 14 is Friday. I am so nervous. I don't want to take another round of meds. I want a normal cycle. Both my monitored cycles have been very long. Remember I said my AF has not shown later than CD 35...until lately...I mean great I am Oing ...but we have to find a way to get me to O earlier...and this time...I am going to BEG for the prometrium after O.

So...I obsess over all the pings and twinges I feel in my abodomen. I hope it's my ovaries working overtime.

An Intro....Last 10 years....

Wow. Like so many before me I started by reading other Blogs. Endlessly. All on the same subject. Infertility (IF). Never commented though. I always started from the begining so by the time I got to the end the person was no longer posting.

My story you ask....>sigh<..it's a long one...
I used to live in New Jersey. I met my husband when I was 19 on January 18, 1998. He was 29 and already had 5 yes....1 2 3 4 5 kids from 2 previous relationships. I have always wanted kids. 10 to be exact. Don't laugh. I just wanted to be a mother. I moved in with him and four of his children September that year. We were engaged November. We did the JOP (Justice of the Peace) thing January 28, 1999. I tried to get it on our one year anniversary but was unable to. By this time we have had been 'not preventing' pregnancy since about April...if I got the calendar out I could tell you the exact date...b/c that just me.

Time went on...AF not coming when she was supposed to. HPTs only showing BFNs. Frustrations. Hurt. Pain. Anger. UGHHHHHH!!!!

I was too scared to go to the doctor. I thought it was all because of my weight. Last thing I needed was a doctor telling me I was too fat to get preggos.

We moved to Philly. All 4 children were in school now. I decided to make an appoint with an OB/GYN. Yea lotta good that did me. I told this guy I wasn't able to get pregnant. He told me he could not help me. Didn't do a PAP or anything. Told me I needed a fertility specialist. WHAT?!? I was discouraged. I called one doctor and asked how much a consult was, our insurance did not have IF coverage at that time. I was told about $300-$400, well, we really didn't have that much extra $$ hanging around. 4 kids remember.

I remember searching IF online one day and came across PCOS. I thought hey, that really sounds just like me. But stupid me didn't write any of it down. I basically forgot what it was.

Due to reasons I will not go into 3 of the 4 children went back to their mother. And after having an almost empty nest for 2 years, I knew it was time. I needed to forget my fears, I needed to find out what was wrong with me.

So I did it. I went to my GP for a physical in 2005. And she went through the normal questions ...ever been pregnant yadda yadda...and I blurted it out. I told her how we have never used protection, I have never been on BCPs and AF was irregular causing me to constantly think that month was THE month. She looked at me and said you need to get checked for PCOS. She really didn't explain it to me. She also said they may want to put me on BCPs. HELLO MCFLY....um I want a baby I don't want to not have a baby. I was upset at that thought. So when my blood work came back w/ everything being A-OK. She gave me the OK to go to an OB/GYN and insisted that I tell him I be checked for PCOS and tell him that my Thyroid was fine.

And I did. I made that first appointment. I had my first ever PAP. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. And then we discussed it. Dr. S said all he had to do was look at me and knew I had PCOS. I have all the classic symptoms. Irregular AF. Acne on my body thankfully not my face. Obesity - yea, I am VERY fluffy. Hirtsutism - Excessive hair growth on chin and upper lip. Can I tell you that my tweezers are my secret lover...shhh don't tell DH?? Acanthosis nigricans - on thighs, under breast and under arms. Skin tags - on my neck. Oh and the grand prize...Annovulation, hence the rare AF and NO BABY!!! So that's it. There's a name to what I have. Great...if it's gotta name, it's gotta cure. Right?? Right??? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I left w/ my RX for Clomid and Met. I was told to try it for a few months and then go back to see him.

So, yup that's what I did. 3 or 4 rounds of 50mg clomid and 850mg of Met and no monitoring what so ever. Well there was the occasional OPK. But never a positive. So I went back to him and told him and he said well, at this point that's all I can do b/c after all he is ONLY an OB/GYN. You need to see a specialist and he gave me a list of them. But...I had already been doing my own research on REs and came across Dr. M. He is known to be a top doctor for PCOS. And I made my appointment.

In January 2006, I had my HSG. I was told all was clear and my uterus looked great. OK, where's my baby?!?!?!? Why isn't he/she snuggled up in there, you know...it's being so great and all....

I had the 2 hour GTT. The results indicated I needed to be on a higher Met dosage and I went up to 850 x 2. I tolerated it well. No GI issues at all.

After AF went on a vacation we finally were ready for monitored cycles. By this time I had found a wonderful website for 'Cysters' and started to read all about what I had. It was April 2006, all I knew was that I wanted to be pregnant for my birthday the 18th. So my first follie scan showed nothing. I was scheduled to come back on my birthday for a follow up. The weekend before my mother who was already in the hospital took a turn for the worse. I didn't make it to my monitoring appointment. And 3 days later my mother passed away. I stopped everything. All of it, the met, the clomid, the monitoring. Never went back. Longed to go back...but didn't. My focus: my father...he took moms passing really really bad. He wanted to go back to Puerto Rico. And so he did.

Once I was able to focus on me again. I wondered if I should go back. But put it in the back of my mind. I just prayed every month that I would get the almighty BFP.

What's this...AF on time. N.O.W.A.Y! Yea by some miracle my cycles regulated themselves. Coming every 28-35 days and they still do. I mean sure that's not regular by the standard means of regular. But shoot if AF is visiting each month, that's regular enough for me. This was it...AF was coming when she was supposed to...I will get preggos now!!!...So I went another year of hoping, wanting, crying for, longing for ...the almighty BFP. Nada, nil, zilch, zero...nuffin.

THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!

I am taking control of this situation!!!

To be continued....